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suddenly became silent； and left the room。 I pursued him； and
continued what I was saying； but he did not answer。 I knew that
his failings included a hasty temper； and that he was now
fighting it down； wherefore I cursed his good resolutions the
more in my heart。
This； then； was what our rule of frankness had brought us tothe
rule that we should 〃tell one another everything in our minds；
and never discuss one another with a third person！〃 Many a time
we had exaggerated frankness to the pitch of making mutual
confession of the most shameless thoughts； and of shaming
ourselves by voicing to one another proposals or schemes for
attaining our desires； yet those confessions had not only failed
to draw closer the tie which united us； but had dissipated
sympathy and thrust us further apart； until now pride would not
allow him to expose his feelings even in the smallest detail； and
we employed in our quarrel the very weapons which we had formerly
surrendered to one anotherthe weapons which could strike the
shrewdest blows！
XLII
OUR STEPMOTHER
Notwithstanding that Papa had not meant to return to Moscow
before the New Year； he arrived in October； when there was still
good riding to hounds to be had in the country。 He alleged as his
reason for changing his mind that his suit was shortly to come on
before the Senate； but Mimi averred that Avdotia had found
herself so ennuyee in the country； and had so often talked about
Moscow and pretended to be unwell； that Papa had decided to
accede to her wishes。 〃You see； she never really loved himshe
and her love only kept buzzing about his ears because she wanted
to marry a rich man；〃 added Mimi with a pensive sigh which said：
〃To think what a certain other person could have done for him if
only he had valued her！〃
Yet that 〃certain other person〃 was unjust to Avdotia； seeing
that the latter's affection for Papathe passionate； devoted
love of self…abandonmentrevealed itself in her every look and
word and movement。 At the same time； that love in no way hindered
her； not only from being averse to parting with her adored
husband； but also from desiring to visit Madame Annette's and
order there a lovely cap； a hat trimmed with a magnificent blue
ostrich feather； and a blue Venetian velvet bodice which was to
expose to the public gaze the snowy； well
shaped breast and arms which no one had yet gazed upon except her
husband and maids。 Of course Katenka sided with her mother and；
in general； there became established between Avdotia and
ourselves； from the day of her arrival； the most extraordinary
and burlesque order of relations。 As soon as she stepped from the
carriage； Woloda assumed an air of great seriousness and
ceremony； and； advancing towards her with much bowing and
scraping； said in the tone of one who is presenting something for
acceptance：
〃I have the honour to greet the arrival of our dear Mamma； and to
kiss her hand。〃
〃Ah； my dear son！〃 she replied with her beautiful； unvarying
smile。
〃And do not forget the younger son；〃 I said as I also approached
her hand； with an involuntary imitation of Woloda's voice and
expression。
Had our stepmother and ourselves been certain of any mutual
affection； that expression might have signified contempt for any
outward manifestation of our love。 Had we been ill…disposed
towards one another； it might have denoted irony； or contempt for
pretence； or a desire to conceal from Papa （standing by the
while） our real relations； as well as many other thoughts and
sentiments。 But； as a matter of fact； that expression （which well
consorted with Avdotia's own spirit） simply signified nothing at
allsimply concealed the absence of any definite relations
between us。 In later life I often had occasion to remark； in the
case of other families whose members anticipated among themselves
relations not altogether harmonious； the sort of provisional；
burlesque relations which they formed for daily use； and it was
just such relations as those which now became established between
ourselves and our stepmother。 We scarcely ever strayed beyond
them； but were polite to her； conversed with her in French； bowed
and scraped before her； and called her 〃chere Maman〃a term to
which she always responded in a tone of similar lightness and
with her beautiful； unchanging smile。 Only the lachrymose
Lubotshka； with her goose feet and artless prattle； really liked
our stepmother； or tried； in her naive and frequently awkward
way； to bring her and ourselves together： wherefore the only
person in the world for whom； besides Papa； Avdotia had a spark
of affection was Lubotshka。 Indeed； Avdotia always treated her
with a kind of grave admiration and timid deference which greatly
surprised me。
From the first Avdotia was very fond of calling herself our
stepmother and hinting that； since children and servants usually
adopt an unjust and hostile attitude towards a woman thus
situated； her own position was likely to prove a difficult one。
Yet； though she foresaw all the unpleasantness of her
predicament； she did nothing to escape from it by （for instance）
conciliating this one； giving presents to that other one； and
forbearing to grumblethe last a precaution which it would have
been easy for her to take； seeing that by nature she was in no
way exacting； as well as very good…tempered。 Yet； not only did
she do none of these things； but her expectation of difficulties
led her to adopt the defensive before she had been attacked。 That
is to say； supposing that the entire household was designing to
show her every kind of insult and annoyance； she would see plots
where no plots were； and consider that her most dignified course
was to suffer in silencean attitude of passivity as regards
winning AFfection which of course led to DISaffection。 Moreover；
she was so totally lacking in that faculty of 〃apprehension〃 to
which I have already referred as being highly developed in our
household； and all her customs were so utterly opposed to those
which had long been rooted in our establishment； that those two
facts alone were bound to go against her。 From the first； her mode
of life in our tidy； methodical household was that of a person
only just arrived there。 Sometimes she went to bed late；
sometimes early； sometimes she appeared at luncheon； sometimes
she did not； sometimes she took supper； sometimes she dispensed
with it。 When we had no guests with us she more often than not
walked about the house in a semi…nude condition； and was not
ashamed to appear before useven before the servantsin a white
chemise； with only a shawl thrown over her bare shoulders。 At
first this Bohemianism pleased me； but before very long it led to
my losing the last shred of respect which I felt for her。 What
struck me as even more strange was the fact that； according as we
had or had not guests； she was two different women。 The one （the
woman figuring in society） w