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and without looking at the person whom I was saluting； to gain
dexterity in small…talk and dancing； to cultivate indifference
and ennui； and to keep my fingernails well trimmed （though I
frequently cut my finger…ends with the scissors in so doing）。 And
all the time I felt that so much remained to be done if I was
ever to attain my end！ A room； a writing…table； an equipage I
still found it impossible to arrange 〃comme il faut；〃 however
much I fought down my aversion to practical matters in my desire
to become proficient。 Yet everything seemed to arrange itself
properly with other people； just as though things could never
have been otherwise！ Once I remember asking Dubkoff； after much
zealous and careful labouring at my finger…nails （his own were
extraordinarily good）； whether his nails had always been as now；
or whether he had done anything to make them so： to which he
replied that never within his recollection had he done anything
to them； and that he could not imagine a gentleman's nails
possibly being different。 This answer incensed me greatly； for I
had not yet learnt that one of the chief conditions of 〃comme il
faut〃…ness was to hold one's tongue about the labour by which it
had been acquired。 〃Comme il faut〃…ness I looked upon as not only
a great merit； a splendid accomplishment； an embodiment of all
the perfection which must strive to attain； but as the one
indispensable condition without which there could never be
happiness； nor glory； nor any good whatsoever in this world。 Even
the greatest artist or savant or benefactor of the human race
would at that time have won from me no respect if he had not also
been 〃comme il faut。〃 A man possessed of 〃comme il faut〃…ness
stood higher than； and beyond all possible equality with； such
people； and might well leave it to them to paint pictures； to
compose music； to write books； or to do good。 Possibly he might
commend them for so doing （since why should not merit be
commended where…ever it be found？）； but he could never stand ON A
LEVEL with them； seeing that he was 〃comme il faut〃 and they were
nota quite final and sufficient reason。 In fact； I actually
believe that； had we possessed a brother or a father or a mother
who had not been 〃comme il faut；〃 I should have declared it to be
a great misfortune for us； and announced that between myself and
them there could never be anything in common。 Yet neither waste
of the golden hours which I consumed in constantly endeavouring
to observe the many arduous； unattainable conditions of 〃comme il
faut〃…ness （to the exclusion of any more serious pursuit）； nor
dislike of and contempt for nine…tenths of the human race； nor
disregard of all the beauty that lay outside the narrow circle of
〃comme il faut〃…ness comprised the whole of the evil which the
idea wrought in me。 The chief evil of all lay in the notion
acquired that a man need not strive to become a tchinovnik；
＇Official。＇ a coachbuilder； a soldier； a savant； or anything
useful； so long only as he was 〃comme il faut 〃that by attaining
the latter quality he had done all that was demanded of him； and
was even superior to most people。
Usually； at a given period in youth； and after many errors and
excesses； every man recognises the necessity of his taking an
active part in social life； and chooses some branch of labour to
which to devote himself。 Only with the 〃comme il faut〃 man does
this rarely happen。 I have known； and know； very； very many
peopleold； proud； self…satisfied； and opinionatedwho to the
question （if it should ever present itself to them in their
world） 〃Who have you been； and what have you ever done？〃 would be
unable to reply otherwise than by saying；
〃Je fus un homme tres comme il faut；〃
Such a fate was awaiting myself。
XXXII
YOUTH
Despite the confusion of ideas raging in my head； I was at least
young； innocent； and free that summerconsequently almost happy。
Sometimes I would rise quite early in the morning； for I slept on
the open verandah； and the bright； horizontal beams of the
morning sun would wake me up。 Dressing myself quickly； I would
tuck a towel and a French novel under my arm； and go off to bathe
in the river in the shade of a birch tree which stood half a
verst from the house。 Next； I would stretch myself on the grass
and readraising my eyes from time to time to look at the surface
of the river where it showed blue in the shade of the trees； at
the ripples caused by the first morning breeze； at the yellowing
field of rye on the further bank； and at the bright…red sheen of
the sunlight as it struck lower and lower down the white trunks
of the birch…trees which； ranged in ranks one behind the other；
gradually receded into the remote distance of the home park。 At
such moments I would feel joyously conscious of having within me
the same young； fresh force of life as nature was everywhere
exuding around me。 When； however； the sky was overcast with grey
clouds of morning and I felt chilly after bathing； I would often
start to walk at random through the fields and woods； and
joyously trail my wet boots in the fresh dew。 All the while my
head would be filled with vivid dreams concerning the heroes of
my last…read novel； and I would keep picturing to myself some
leader of an army or some statesman or marvellously strong man or
devoted lover or another； and looking round me in； a nervous
expectation that I should suddenly descry HER somewhere near me；
in a meadow or behind a tree。 Yet； whenever these rambles led me
near peasants engaged at their work； all my ignoring of the
existence of the 〃common people〃 did not prevent me from
experiencing an involuntary； overpowering sensation of
awkwardness； so that I always tried to avoid their seeing me。
When the heat of the day had increased； it was not infrequently my
habitif the ladies did not come out of doors for their morning
teato go rambling through the orchard and kitchen…garden； and to
pluck ripe fruit there。 Indeed； this was an occupation which
furnished me with one of my greatest pleasures。 Let any one go
into an orchard； and dive into the midst of a tall； thick；
sprouting raspberry…bed。 Above will be seen the clear； glowing
sky； and； all around； the pale…green； prickly stems of raspberry…
trees where they grow mingled together in a tangle of profusion。
At one's feet springs the dark…green nettle； with its slender
crown of flowers； while the broad…leaved burdock； with its
bright…pink； prickly blossoms； overtops the raspberries （and even
one's head） with its luxuriant masses； until； with the nettle； it
almost meets the pendent； pale…green branches of the old apple…
trees where apples； round and lustrous as bone； but as yet
unripe； are mellowing in the heat of the sun。 Below； again； are
seen young raspberry…shoots； twining themselves around the
partially withered； leafless parent plant； and stretching their
tendrils towards the sunlight； with green； needle…shaped bl