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is an ordeal from which the nerves of a man's spirit shrink； even
as his eye quails under the brightness of the sun； you would have
felt it was （even today） a pitiful place to visit and a hell to
dwell in。 It is not the fear of possible infection。 That seems a
little thing when compared with the pain； the pity； and the disgust
of the visitor's surroundings； and the atmosphere of affliction；
disease； and physical disgrace in which he breathes。 I do not
think I am a man more than usually timid； but I never recall the
days and nights I spent upon that island promontory （eight days and
seven nights）； without heartfelt thankfulness that I am somewhere
else。 I find in my diary that I speak of my stay as a 〃grinding
experience〃： I have once jotted in the margin； 〃HARROWING is the
word〃； and when the MOKOLII bore me at last towards the outer
world； I kept repeating to myself； with a new conception of their
pregnancy； those simple words of the song …
〃 'Tis the most distressful country that ever yet was seen。〃
And observe： that which I saw and suffered from was a settlement
purged； bettered； beautified； the new village built； the hospital
and the Bishop…Home excellently arranged； the sisters； the poctor；
and the missionaries； all indefatigable in their noble tasks。 It
was a different place when Damien came there and made this great
renunciation； and slept that first night under a tree amidst his
rotting brethren： alone with pestilence； and looking forward （with
what courage； with what pitiful sinkings of dread； God only knows）
to a lifetime of dressing sores and stumps。
You will say； perhaps； I am too sensitive； that sights as painful
abound in cancer hospitals and are confronted daily by doctors and
nurses。 I have long learned to admire and envy the doctors and the
nurses。 But there is no cancer hospital so large and populous as
Kalawao and Kalaupapa； and in such a matter every fresh case； like
every inch of length in the pipe of an organ； deepens the note of
the impression； for what daunts the onlooker is that monstrous sum
of human suffering by which he stands surrounded。 Lastly； no
doctor or nurse is called upon to enter once for all the doors of
that gehenna； they do not say farewell； they need not abandon hope；
on its sad threshold； they but go for a time to their high calling；
and can look forward as they go to relief； to recreation； and to
rest。 But Damien shut…to with his own hand the doors of his own
sepulchre。
I shall now extract three passages from my diary at Kalawao。
A。 〃Damien is dead and already somewhat ungratefully remembered in
the field of his labours and sufferings。 'He was a good man； but
very officious；' says one。 Another tells me he had fallen （as
other priests so easily do） into something of the ways and habits
of thought of a Kanaka； but he had the wit to recognise the fact；
and the good sense to laugh at〃 ＇over＇ 〃it。 A plain man it seems
he was； I cannot find he was a popular。〃
B。 〃After Ragsdale's death〃 ＇Ragsdale was a famous Luna； or
overseer； of the unruly settlement＇ 〃there followed a brief term of
office by Father Damien which served only to publish the weakness
of that noble man。 He was rough in his ways； and he had no
control。 Authority was relaxed； Damien's life was threatened； and
he was soon eager to resign。〃
C。 〃Of Damien I begin to have an idea。 He seems to have been a
man of the peasant class； certainly of the peasant type： shrewd；
ignorant and bigoted； yet with an open mind； and capable of
receiving and digesting a reproof if it were bluntly administered；
superbly generous in the least thing as well as in the greatest；
and as ready to give his last shirt （although not without human
grumbling） as he had been to sacrifice his life； essentially
indiscreet and officious； which made him a troublesome colleague；
domineering in all his ways； which made him incurably unpopular
with the Kanakas； but yet destitute of real authority； so that his
boys laughed at him and he must carry out his wishes by the means
of bribes。 He learned to have a mania for doctoring； and set up
the Kanakas against the remedies of his regular rivals： perhaps （if
anything matter at all in the treatment of such a disease） the
worst thing that he did； and certainly the easiest。 The best and
worst of the man appear very plainly in his dealings with Mr。
Chapman's money； he had originally laid it out〃 ＇intended to lay it
out＇ 〃entirely for the benefit of Catholics； and even so not
wisely； but after a long； plain talk； he admitted his error fully
and revised the list。 The sad state of the boys' home is in part
the result of his lack of control； in part； of his own slovenly
ways and false ideas of hygiene。 Brother officials used to call it
'Damien's Chinatown。' 'Well；' they would say； 'your Chinatown
keeps growing。' And he would laugh with perfect good…nature； and
adhere to his errors with perfect obstinacy。 So much I have
gathered of truth about this plain； noble human brother and father
of ours； his imperfections are the traits of his face； by which we
know him for our fellow； his martyrdom and his example nothing can
lessen or annul； and only a person here on the spot can properly
appreciate their greatness。〃
I have set down these private passages； as you perceive； without
correction； thanks to you； the public has them in their bluntness。
They are almost a list of the man's faults； for it is rather these
that I was seeking： with his virtues； with the heroic profile of
his life； I and the world were already sufficiently acquainted。 I
was besides a little suspicious of Catholic testimony； in no ill
sense； but merely because Damien's admirers and disciples were the
least likely to be critical。 I know you will be more suspicious
still； and the facts set down above were one and all collected from
the lips of Protestants who had opposed the father in his life。
Yet I am strangely deceived； or they build up the image of a man；
with all his weakness； essentially heroic； and alive with rugged
honesty； generosity； and mirth。
Take it for what it is； rough private jottings of the worst sides
of Damien's character； collected from the lips of those who had
laboured with and （in your own phrase） 〃knew the man〃； … though I
question whether Damien would have said that he knew you。 Take it；
and observe with wonder how well you were served by your gossips；
how ill by your intelligence and sympathy； in how many points of
fact we are at one； and how widely our appreciations vary。 There
is something wrong here； either with you or me。 It is possible；
for instance； that you； who seem to have so many ears in Kalawao；
had heard of the affair of Mr。 Chapman's money； and were singly
struck by Damien's intended wrong…doing。 I was struck with that
also； and set it fairly down； but I was struck much more by the
fact that he had the honesty of mind to be convinced。 I may here
tel