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I could only give what the Bible critic would regard as valueless； a sledge…hammer expression of faith。 Somebody took the speech down。 Doctor John Hall； the famous preacher and for many years pastor of the Fifth Avenue Presbyterian Church； told me that the Bible and the church societies in England had put the speech into a leaflet； and were distributing many millions of them in the British Isles。
It is singular what vogue and circulation a story of the hour will receive。 Usually these decorations of a speech die with the occasion。 There was fierce rivalry when it was decided to celebrate the four hundredth anniversary of the landing of Columbus in America； between New York and Chicago； as to which should have the exhibition。 Of course the Western orators were not modest in the claims which they made for the City by the Lakes。 To dampen their ardor I embroidered the following story； which took wonderfully when told in my speech。
It was at the Eagle Hotel in Peekskill； at which it was said George Washington stopped many times as a guest during the Revolutionary War； where in respect to his memory they preserved the traditions of the Revolutionary period。 At that time the bill of fare was not printed； but the waiter announced to the guest what would be served； if asked for。 A Chicago citizen was dining at the hotel。 He ordered each of the many items announced to him by the waiter。 When he came to the deserts the waiter said： 〃We have mince…pie； apple…pie； pumpkin…pie； and custard…pie。〃 The Chicago man ordered mince…pie； apple…pie； and pumpkin…pie。 The disgusted waiter remarked： 〃What is the matter with the custard？〃 Alongside me sat a very well…known English gentleman of high rank； who had come to this country on a sort of missionary and evangelistic errand。 Of course； he was as solemn as the task he had undertaken； which was to convert American sinners。 He turned suddenly to me and； in a loud voice； asked： 〃What was the matter with the custard…pie？〃 The story travelled for years； was used for many purposes； was often murdered in the narration； but managed to survive； and was told to me as an original joke by one of the men I met at the convention last June in Chicago。
After Chicago received from Congress the appointment I did all I could to help the legislation and appropriations necessary。 The result was that when I visited the city as an orator at the opening of the exhibition I was voted the freedom of the city； was given a great reception； and among other things reviewed the school children who paraded in my honor。
The Yale alumni of New York City had for many years an organization。 In the early days the members met very infrequently at a dinner。 This was a formal affair； and generally drew a large gathering； both of the local alumni and from the college and the country。 These meetings were held at DeImonico's； then located in Fourteenth Street。 The last was so phenomenally dull that there were no repetitions。
The speakers were called by classes； and the oldest in graduation had the platform。 The result was disastrous。 These old men all spoke too long； and it was an endless stream of platitudes and reminiscences of forgotten days until nearly morning。 Then an inspiration of the chairman led him to say： 〃I think it might be well to have a word from the younger graduates。〃
There was a unanimous call for a well…known humorist named Styles。 His humor was aided by a startling appearance of abundant red hair； an aggressive red mustache； and eyes which seemed to push his glasses off his nose。 Many of the speakers； owing to the imperfection of the dental art in those days； indicated their false teeth by their trouble in keeping them in place； and the whistling it gave to their utterances。 One venerable orator in his excitement dropped his into his tumbler in the midst of his address。
Styles said to this tired audience： 〃At this early hour in the morning I will not attempt to speak； but I will tell a story。 Down at Barnegat； N。 J。； where I live； our neighbors are very fond of apple…jack。 One of them while in town had his jug filled； and on the way home saw a friend leaning over the gate and looking so thirsty that he stopped and handed over his jug with an offer of its hospitality。 After sampling it the neighbor continued the gurgling as the jug rose higher and higher； until there was not a drop left in it。 The indignant owner said： 'You infernal hog； why did you drink up all my apple…jack？' His friend answered： 'I beg your pardon； Job； but I could not bite off the tap； because I have lost all my teeth。'〃 The aptness of the story was the success of the evening。
Some years afterwards there was a meeting of the alumni to form a live association。 Among those who participated in the organization were William Walter Phelps； afterwards member of Congress and minister to Austria； Judge Henry E。 Howland； John Proctor Clarke； now chief justice of the Appellate Division； James R。 Sheffield （several years later） now president of the Union League Club； and Isaac Bromley； one of the editors of the New York Tribune； one of the wittiest writers of his time； and many others who have since won distinction。 They elected me president； and I continued such by successive elections for ten years。
The association met once a month and had a serious paper read； speeches； a simple supper； and a social evening。 These monthly gatherings became a feature and were widely reported in the press。 We could rely upon one or more of the faculty； and there was always to be had an alumnus of national reputation from abroad。 We had a formal annual dinner； which was more largely attended than almost any function of the kind in the city； and； because of the variety and excellence of the speaking； always very enjoyable。
The Harvard and Princeton alumni also had an association at that time； with annual dinners； and it was customary for the officers of each of these organizations to be guests of the one which gave the dinner。 The presidents of the colleges represented always came。 Yale could rely upon President Dwight； Harvard upon President Eliot； and Princeton upon President McCosh。
Of course； the interchanges between the representatives of the different colleges were as exciting and aggressive as their football and baseball contests are to…day。 I recall one occasion of more than usual interest。 It was the Princeton dinner； and the outstanding figure of the occasion was that most successful and impressive of college executives； President McCosh。 He spoke with a broad Scotch accent and was in every sense a literalist。 Late in the evening Mr。 Beaman； a very brilliant lawyer and partner of Evarts and Choate； who was president of the Harvard Alumni Association； said to me： 〃These proceedings are fearfully prosaic and highbrow。 When you are called； you attack President McCosh； and I will defend him。〃 So in the course of my remarks； which were highly complimentary to Princeton and its rapid growth under President McCosh； I spoke of its remarkable success in receiving gifts and legacies； which were then pouring into its treasury every few months； and were far beyond anything which came either to Yale or Harvard