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Mark Twain； A Biography； 1875…1886
By Albert Bigelow Paine
VOLUME II； Part 1： 1875…1886
CV
MARK TWAIN AT FORTY
In conversation with John Hay； Hay said to Clemens：
〃A man reaches the zenith at forty； the top of the hill。 From that time
forward he begins to descend。 If you have any great undertaking ahead；
begin it now。 You will never be so capable again。〃
Of course this was only a theory of Hay's； a rule where rules do not
apply； where in the end the problem resolves itself into a question of
individualities。 John Hay did as great work after forty as ever before；
so did Mark Twain； and both of them gained in intellectual strength and
public honor to the very end。
Yet it must have seemed to many who knew him； and to himself； like
enough； that Mark Twain at forty had reached the pinnacle of his fame and
achievement。 His name was on every lip； in whatever environment
observation and argument were likely to be pointed with some saying or
anecdote attributed； rightly or otherwise； to Mark Twain。 〃As Mark Twain
says；〃 or； 〃You know that story of Mark Twain's；〃 were universal and
daily commonplaces。 It was dazzling； towering fame； not of the best or
most enduring kind as yet； but holding somewhere within it the structure
of immortality。
He was in a constant state of siege； besought by all varieties and
conditions of humanity for favors such as only human need and abnormal
ingenuity can invent。 His ever…increasing mail presented a marvelous
exhibition of the human species on undress parade。 True； there were
hundreds of appreciative tributes from readers who spoke only out of a
heart's gratitude； but there were nearly as great a number who came with
a compliment； and added a petition； or a demand； or a suggestion； usually
unwarranted； often impertinent。 Politicians； public speakers； aspiring
writers； actors； elocutionists； singers； inventors （most of them he had
never seen or heard of） cheerfully asked him for a recommendation as to
their abilities and projects。
Young men wrote requesting verses or sentiments to be inscribed in young
ladies' autograph albums； young girls wrote asking him to write the story
of his life； to be used as a school composition； men starting obscure
papers coolly invited him to lend them his name as editor； assuring him
that he would be put to no trouble； and that it would help advertise his
books； a fruitful humorist wrote that he had invented some five thousand
puns； and invited Mark Twain to father this terrific progeny in book form
for a share of the returns。 But the list is endless。 He said once：
〃The symbol of the race ought to be a human being carrying an ax； for
every human being has one concealed about him somewhere； and is always
seeking the opportunity to grind it。〃
Even P。 T。 Barnum had an ax； the large ax of advertising； and he was
perpetually trying to grind it on Mark Twain's reputation； in other
words； trying to get him to write something that would help to popularize
〃The Greatest Show on Earth。〃
There were a good many curious letters…letters from humorists； would…be
and genuine。 A bright man in Duluth sent him an old Allen 〃pepper…box〃
revolver with the statement that it had been found among a pile of bones
under a tree； from the limb of which was suspended a lasso and a buffalo
skull； this as evidence that the weapon was the genuine Allen which Bemis
had lost on that memorable Overland buffalo…hunt。 Mark Twain enjoyed
that； and kept the old pepper…box as long as he lived。 There were
letters from people with fads； letters from cranks of every description；
curious letters even from friends。 Reginald Cholmondeley； that lovely
eccentric of Condover Hall； where Mr。 and Mrs。 Clemens had spent some
halcyon days in 1873； wrote him invitations to be at his castle on a
certain day； naming the hour； and adding that he had asked friends to
meet him。 Cholmondeley had a fancy for birds； and spared nothing to
improve his collection。 Once he wrote Clemens asking him to collect for
him two hundred and five American specimens； naming the varieties and the
amount which he was to pay for each。 Clemens was to catch these birds
and bring them over to England； arriving at Condover on a certain day；
when there would be friends to meet him； of course。
Then there was a report which came now and then from another English
castlethe minutes of a certain 〃Mark Twain Club；〃 all neatly and
elaborately written out； with the speech of each member and the
discussions which had followedthe work； he found out later； of another
eccentric； for there was no Mark Twain Club； the reports being just the
mental diversion of a rich young man； with nothing else to do。 ＇In
Following the Equator Clemens combined these two pleasant characters in
one story； with elaborations。＇
Letters came queerly addressed。 There is one envelope still in existence
which bears Clemens's name in elaborate design and a very good silhouette
likeness； the work of some talented artist。 〃Mark Twain； United States；〃
was a common address； 〃Mark Twain； The World；〃 was also used； 〃Mark
Twain； Somewhere；〃 mailed in a foreign country； reached him promptly； and
〃Mark Twain； Anywhere；〃 found its way to Hartford in due season。 Then
there was a letter （though this was later； he was abroad at the time）；
mailed by Brander Matthews and Francis Wilson； addressed； 〃Mark Twain；
God Knows Where。〃 It found him after traveling half around the world on
its errand； and in his answer he said； 〃He did。〃 Then some one sent a
letter addressed； 〃The Devil Knows Where。〃 Which also reached him； and
he answered； 〃He did； too。〃
Surely this was the farthest horizon of fame。
Countless Mark Twain anecdotes are told of this period； of every period；
and will be told and personally vouched for so long as the last soul of
his generation remains alive。 For seventy years longer； perhaps； there
will be those who will relate 〃personal recollections〃 of Mark Twain。
Many of them will be interesting； some of them will be true； most of them
will become history at last。 It is too soon to make history of much of
this drift now。 It is only safe to admit a few authenticated examples。
It happens that one of the oftenest…told anecdotes has been the least
elaborated。 It is the one about his call on Mrs。 Stowe。 Twichell's
journal entry； set down at the time； verifies it：
Mrs。 Stowe was leaving for Florida one morning； and Clemens ran over
early to say good…by。 On his return Mrs。 Clemens regarded him
disapprovingly：
〃Why； Youth；〃 she said； 〃you haven't on any collar and tie。〃
He said nothing； but went up to his room； did up these items in a neat
package； and sent it over by a servant； with a line：
〃Herewith receive a call from the rest of me。〃
Mrs。 Stowe returned a witty note； in which she said that he had
discovered a new principle； the principle of making calls by instalments；
and asked whether； in extreme cases； a man might not send his hat； coat；
and boots and be otherwise excused。
Col。 Henry Watterson tells the story of an after…theater supper at the
Brevoort House； where Murat Halstead； Mark Twain； and hims