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rotted away and tumbled down； our railings reel this way and that； with
one foot in the air； after a fashion of unseemly levity； our monuments
lean wearily； and our gravestones bow their heads discouraged； there be
no adornments any moreno roses； nor shrubs； nor graveled walks； nor
anything that is a comfort to the eye； and even the paintless old board
fence that did make a show of holding us sacred from companionship with
beasts and the defilement of heedless feet； has tottered till it
overhangs the street； and only advertises the presence of our dismal
resting…place and invites yet more derision to it。 And now we cannot
hide our poverty and tatters in the friendly woods； for the city has
stretched its withering arms abroad and taken us in； and all that remains
of the cheer of our old home is the cluster of lugubrious forest trees
that stand； bored and weary of a city life； with their feet in our
coffins； looking into the hazy distance and wishing they were there。
I tell you it is disgraceful！
〃You begin to comprehendyou begin to see how it is。 While our
descendants are living sumptuously on our money； right around us in the
city； we have to fight hard to keep skull and bones together。 Bless you；
there isn't a grave in our cemetery that doesn't leak not one。 Every
time it rains in the night we have to climb out and roost in the trees
and sometimes we are wakened suddenly by the chilly water trickling down
the back of our necks。 Then I tell you there is a general heaving up of
old graves and kicking over of old monuments； and scampering of old
skeletons for the trees！ Bless me； if you had gone along there some such
nights after twelve you might have seen as many as fifteen of us roosting
on one limb； with our joints rattling drearily and the wind wheezing
through our ribs！ Many a time we have perched there for three or four
dreary hours； and then come down； stiff and chilled through and drowsy；
and borrowed each other's skulls to bail out our graves withif you will
glance up in my mouth now as I tilt my head back； you can see that my
head…piece is half full of old dry sediment how top…heavy and stupid it
makes me sometimes！ Yes； sir； many a time if you had happened to come
along just before the dawn you'd have caught us bailing out the graves
and hanging our shrouds on the fence to dry。 Why； I had an elegant
shroud stolen from there one morningthink a party by the name of Smith
took it； that resides in a plebeian graveyard over yonderI think so
because the first time I ever saw him he hadn't anything on but a check
shirt； and the last time I saw him； which was at a social gathering in
the new cemetery； he was the best…dressed corpse in the companyand it
is a significant fact that he left when he saw me； and presently an old
woman from here missed her coffinshe generally took it with her when
she went anywhere； because she was liable to take cold and bring on the
spasmodic rheumatism that originally killed her if she exposed herself to
the night air much。 She was named HotchkissAnna Matilda Hotchkissyou
might know her？ She has two upper front teeth； is tall； but a good deal
inclined to stoop； one rib on the left side gone； has one shred of rusty
hair hanging from the left side of her head； and one little tuft just
above and a little forward of her right ear； has her underjaw wired on
one side where it had worked loose； small bone of left forearm gonelost
in a fight has a kind of swagger in her gait and a 'gallus' way of going
with： her arms akimbo and her nostrils in the air has been pretty free
and easy； and is all damaged and battered up till she looks like a
queensware crate in ruinsmaybe you have met her？〃
〃God forbid！〃 I involuntarily ejaculated； for somehow I was not looking
for that form of question； and it caught me a little off my guard。 But I
hastened to make amends for my rudeness； and say； 〃I simply meant I had
not had the honorfor I would not deliberately speak discourteously of a
friend of yours。 You were saying that you were robbedand it was a
shame； toobut it appears by what is left of the shroud you have on that
it was a costly one in its day。 How did〃
A most ghastly expression began to develop among the decayed features and
shriveled integuments of my guest's face； and I was beginning to grow
uneasy and distressed； when he told me he was only working up a deep；
sly smile； with a wink in it； to suggest that about the time he acquired
his present garment a ghost in a neighboring cemetery missed one。 This
reassured me； but I begged him to confine himself to speech thenceforth；
because his facial expression was uncertain。 Even with the most
elaborate care it was liable to miss fire。 Smiling should especially be
avoided。 What he might honestly consider a shining success was likely to
strike me in a very different light。 I said I liked to see a skeleton
cheerful； even decorously playful； but I did not think smiling was a
skeleton's best hold。
〃Yes； friend；〃 said the poor skeleton； 〃the facts are just as I have
given them to you。 Two of these old graveyardsthe one that I resided
in and one further along have been deliberately neglected by our
descendants of to…day until there is no occupying them any longer。 Aside
from the osteological discomfort of itand that is no light matter this
rainy weatherthe present state of things is ruinous to property。 We
have got to move or be content to see our effects wasted away and utterly
destroyed。
Now； you will hardly believe it； but it is true； nevertheless； that there
isn't a single coffin in good repair among all my acquaintancenow that
is an absolute fact。 I do not refer to low people who come in a pine box
mounted on an express…wagon； but I am talking about your high…toned；
silver…mounted burial…case； your monumental sort； that travel under black
plumes at the head of a procession and have choice of cemetery lots
I mean folks like the Jarvises； and the Bledsoes and Burlings； and such。
They are all about ruined。 The most substantial people in our set； they
were。 And now look at themutterly used up and poverty…stricken。 One
of the Bledsoes actually traded his monument to a late barkeeper for some
fresh shavings to put under his head。 I tell you it speaks volumes； for
there is nothing a corpse takes so much pride in as his monument。 He
loves to read the inscription。 He comes after a while to believe what it
says himself； and then you may see him sitting on the fence night after
night enjoying it。 Epitaphs are cheap； and they do a poor chap a world
of good after he is dead； especially if he had hard luck while he was
alive。 I wish they were used more。 Now I don't complain； but
confidentially I do think it was a little shabby in my descendants to
give me nothing but this old slab of a gravestoneand all the more that
there isn't a compliment on it。 It used to have：
'GONE TO HIS JUST REWARD'
on it； and I was proud when I first saw it； but by and by I noticed that
whenever an old friend of mine came along he would hook his chin on the
railing and pull a long face and read along down till he came to that；
and then he wou