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offers in moments of excitement； but； of course； when one comes to think
of it； one sees how absurdly out of proportion they are with the value of
the required article。 I heard a man； going up a mountain in Switzerland；
once say he would give worlds for a glass of beer； and； when he came to a
little shanty where they kept it； he kicked up a most fearful row because
they charged him five francs for a bottle of Bass。 He said it was a
scandalous imposition； and he wrote to the TIMES about it。
It cast a gloom over the boat； there being no mustard。 We ate our beef
in silence。 Existence seemed hollow and uninteresting。 We thought of
the happy days of childhood； and sighed。 We brightened up a bit；
however； over the apple…tart； and； when George drew out a tin of pine…
apple from the bottom of the hamper； and rolled it into the middle of the
boat； we felt that life was worth living after all。
We are very fond of pine…apple； all three of us。 We looked at the
picture on the tin； we thought of the juice。 We smiled at one another；
and Harris got a spoon ready。
Then we looked for the knife to open the tin with。 We turned out
everything in the hamper。 We turned out the bags。 We pulled up the
boards at the bottom of the boat。 We took everything out on to the bank
and shook it。 There was no tin…opener to be found。
Then Harris tried to open the tin with a pocket…knife； and broke the
knife and cut himself badly； and George tried a pair of scissors； and the
scissors flew up； and nearly put his eye out。 While they were dressing
their wounds； I tried to make a hole in the thing with the spiky end of
the hitcher； and the hitcher slipped and jerked me out between the boat
and the bank into two feet of muddy water； and the tin rolled over；
uninjured； and broke a teacup。
Then we all got mad。 We took that tin out on the bank； and Harris went
up into a field and got a big sharp stone； and I went back into the boat
and brought out the mast； and George held the tin and Harris held the
sharp end of his stone against the top of it； and I took the mast and
poised it high up in the air； and gathered up all my strength and brought
it down。
It was George's straw hat that saved his life that day。 He keeps that
hat now （what is left of it）； and； of a winter's evening； when the pipes
are lit and the boys are telling stretchers about the dangers they have
passed through； George brings it down and shows it round； and the
stirring tale is told anew； with fresh exaggerations every time。
Harris got off with merely a flesh wound。
After that； I took the tin off myself； and hammered at it with the mast
till I was worn out and sick at heart； whereupon Harris took it in hand。
We beat it out flat； we beat it back square； we battered it into every
form known to geometry … but we could not make a hole in it。 Then George
went at it； and knocked it into a shape； so strange； so weird； so
unearthly in its wild hideousness； that he got frightened and threw away
the mast。 Then we all three sat round it on the grass and looked at it。
There was one great dent across the top that had the appearance of a
mocking grin； and it drove us furious； so that Harris rushed at the
thing； and caught it up； and flung it far into the middle of the river；
and as it sank we hurled our curses at it； and we got into the boat and
rowed away from the spot； and never paused till we reached Maidenhead。
Maidenhead itself is too snobby to be pleasant。 It is the haunt of the
river swell and his overdressed female companion。 It is the town of
showy hotels； patronised chiefly by dudes and ballet girls。 It is the
witch's kitchen from which go forth those demons of the river … steam…
launches。 The LONDON JOURNAL duke always has his 〃little place〃 at
Maidenhead； and the heroine of the three…volume novel always dines there
when she goes out on the spree with somebody else's husband。
We went through Maidenhead quickly； and then eased up； and took leisurely
that grand reach beyond Boulter's and Cookham locks。 Clieveden Woods
still wore their dainty dress of spring； and rose up； from the water's
edge； in one long harmony of blended shades of fairy green。 In its
unbroken loveliness this is； perhaps； the sweetest stretch of all the
river； and lingeringly we slowly drew our little boat away from its deep
peace。
We pulled up in the backwater； just below Cookham； and had tea； and； when
we were through the lock； it was evening。 A stiffish breeze had sprung
up … in our favour； for a wonder； for； as a rule on the river； the wind
is always dead against you whatever way you go。 It is against you in the
morning； when you start for a day's trip； and you pull a long distance；
thinking how easy it will be to come back with the sail。 Then； after
tea； the wind veers round； and you have to pull hard in its teeth all the
way home。
When you forget to take the sail at all； then the wind is consistently in
your favour both ways。 But there！ this world is only a probation； and
man was born to trouble as the sparks fly upward。
This evening； however； they had evidently made a mistake； and had put the
wind round at our back instead of in our face。 We kept very quiet about
it； and got the sail up quickly before they found it out； and then we
spread ourselves about the boat in thoughtful attitudes； and the sail
bellied out； and strained； and grumbled at the mast； and the boat flew。
I steered。
There is no more thrilling sensation I know of than sailing。 It comes as
near to flying as man has got to yet … except in dreams。 The wings of
the rushing wind seem to be bearing you onward； you know not where。 You
are no longer the slow； plodding； puny thing of clay； creeping tortuously
upon the ground； you are a part of Nature！ Your heart is throbbing
against hers！ Her glorious arms are round you； raising you up against
her heart！ Your spirit is at one with hers； your limbs grow light！ The
voices of the air are singing to you。 The earth seems far away and
little； and the clouds； so close above your head； are brothers； and you
stretch your arms to them。
We had the river to ourselves； except that； far in the distance； we could
see a fishing…punt； moored in mid…stream； on which three fishermen sat；
and we skimmed over the water； and passed the wooded banks； and no one
spoke。
I was steering。
As we drew nearer； we could see that the three men fishing seemed old and
solemn…looking men。 They sat on three chairs in the punt； and watched
intently their lines。 And the red sunset threw a mystic light upon the
waters； and tinged with fire the towering woods； and made a golden glory
of the piled…up clouds。 It was an hour of deep enchantment； of ecstatic
hope and longing。 The little sail stood out against the purple sky； the
gloaming lay around us； wrapping the world in r