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without seeming to make use of you〃
〃Oh; do make use of me; Miss Shirley!〃
〃That you could give me some hints about the setting; with your knowledge
of the stage〃 She stopped; having rushed forward to that point; while
he continued to look steadily at her without answering her。 She faced
him courageously; but not convincingly。
〃Did you think that I was an actor?〃 he asked; finally。
〃Mrs。 Westangle seemed to think you were。〃
〃But did you?〃
〃I'm sure I didn't meanI beg your pardon〃
〃It's all right。 If I were an actor I shouldn't be ashamed of it。 But I
was merely curious to know whether you shared the prevalent superstition。
I'm afraid I can't help you from a knowledge of the stage; but if I can
be of use; from a sort of amateur interest in psychology; with an affair
like this I shall be only too glad。〃
〃Thank you;〃 she said; somewhat faintly; with an effect of dismay
disproportionate to the occasion。
She sank into a chair before which she had been standing; and she looked
as if she were going to swoon。
He started towards her with an alarmed 〃Miss Shirley。
She put out a hand weakly to stay him。 〃Don't!〃 she entreated。
〃I'm a littleI shall be all right in a moment。〃
〃Can't I get you somethingcall some one?〃
〃Not for the world!〃 she commanded; and she pulled herself together and
stood up。 〃But I think I'll stop for to…night。 I'm glad my idea strikes
you favorably。 It's merely Oh; you found it; Mrs。 Stager!〃 She broke
off to address the woman who had now come back and was holding up the
trailing breadths of the electric…blue gauze。 〃Isn't it lovely?〃
She gave herself time to adore the drapery; with its changes of meteoric
lucence; before she rose and took it。 She went with it to the background
in the library; where; against the glass door of the cases; she involved
herself in it and stood shimmering。 A thrill pierced to Verrian's heart;
she was indeed wraithlike; so that he hated to have her call; 〃How will
that do ?〃
Mrs。 Stager modestly referred the question to him by her silence。
〃I will answer for its doing; if it does for the others as it's done for
me。〃
She laughed。 〃And you doubly knew what it was。 Yes; I think it will
go。〃 She took another pose; and then another。 〃What do you think of it;
Mrs。 Stager?〃 she called to the woman standing respectfully abeyant at
one side。
〃It's awful。 I don't know but I'll be afraid to go to my room。〃
〃Sit down; and I'll go to your room with you when I'm through。 I won't
be long; now。〃
She tried different gauzes; which she had lying on one of the chairs; and
crowned herself with triumph in the applauses of her two spectators;
rejoicing with a glee that Verrian found childlike and winning。
〃If they're all like you; it will be the greatest success!〃
〃They'll all be like me; and more;〃 he said; 〃I'm really very severe。〃
〃Are you a severe person?〃 she asked; coming forward to him。 〃Ought
people to be afraid of you?〃
〃Yes; people with bad consciences。 I'm rattier afraid of myself for that
reason。〃
〃Have you got a bad conscience?〃 she asked; letting her eyes rest on his。
〃Yes。 I can't make my conduct square with my ideal of conduct。〃
〃I know what that is!〃 she sighed。 〃Do you expect to be punished for
it?〃
〃I expect to be got even with。〃
〃Yes; one is。 I've noticed that myself。 But I didn't suppose that
actors Oh; I forgot! I beg your pardon again; Mr。 Verrian。 Oh
Goodnight!〃 She faced him evanescently in going out; with the woman
after her; but; whether she did so more in fear or more in defiance; she
left him standing motionless in his doubt; and she did nothing to solve
his doubt when she came quickly back alone; before he was aware of having
moved; to say; 〃Mr。 Verrian; I want toI have totell you that
I didn't think you were the actor。〃 Then she was finally gone; and
Verrian had nothing for it but to go up to his room with the book he
found he had in his hand and must have had there all the time。
If he had read it; the book would not have eased him off to sleep; but he
did not even try; to read it。 He had no wish to sleep。 The waking dream
in which he lost himself was more interesting than any vision of slumber
could have been; and he had no desire to end it。 In that he could still
be talking with the girl whose mystery appealed to him so pleasingly。
It was none the less pleasing because; at what might be called her first
blushes; she did not strike him as altogether ingenuous; but only able to
discipline herself into a final sincerity from a consciousness which had
been taught wisdom by experience。
She was still a scarcely recovered invalid; and it was pathetic that she
should be commencing the struggle of life with strength so little
proportioned to the demand upon it; and the calling she had taken up was
of a fantasticality in some aspects which was equally pathetic。 But all
the undertakings of women; he mused; were piteous; not only because women
were unequal to the struggle at the best; but because they were hampered
always with themselves; with their sex; their femininity; and the
necessity of getting it out of the way before they could really begin to
fight。 Whatever they attempted it must be in relation to the man's world
in which livings were made; but the immemorial conditions were almost
wholly unchanged。 A woman approached this world as a woman; with the
inborn instinct of tempting it as a woman; to win it to love her and make
her a wife and mother; and although she might stoically overcome the
temptation at last; it might recur at any moment and overcome her。 This
was perpetually weakening and imperilling her; and she must feel it at
the encounter with each man she met。 She must feel the tacit and even
unconscious irony of his attitude towards her in her enterprise; and the
finer her make the crueller and the more humiliating and disheartening
this must be。
Of course; this Miss Shirley felt Verrian's irony; which he had guarded
from any expression with genuine compassion for her。 She must feel that
to his knowledge of life she and her experiment had an absurdity which
would not pass; whatever their success might be。 If she meant business;
and business only; they ought to have met as two men would have met; but
he knew that they had not done so; and she must have known it。 All that
was plain sailing enough; but beyond this lay a sea of conjecture in
which he found himself without helm or compass。 Why; should she have
acted a fib about his being an actor; and why; after the end; should she
have added an end; in which she returned to own that she had been
fibbing? For that was what it came to; and though Verrian tasted a
delicious pleasure in the womanish feat by which she overcame her
womanishness; he could not puzzle out her motive。 He was not sure that
he wished to puzzle it out。 To remain with illimitable guesses at his
choice was more agreeable; for the present at least; and he was not aware
of having lapsed from them when he woke so late as to be one of the
breakfasters whose plates were kept for them after the others were gone。
XVI。
It was the first time that Verr