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THE PROCESSION OF LIFE
Life figures itself to me as a festal or funereal procession。 All
of us have our places； and are to move onward under the direction
of the Chief Marshal。 The grand difficulty results from the
invariably mistaken principles on which the deputy marshals seek
to arrange this immense concourse of people； so much more
numerous than those that train their interminable length through
streets and highways in times of political excitement。 Their
scheme is ancient； far beyond the memory of man or even the
record of history； and has hitherto been very little modified by
the innate sense of something wrong； and the dim perception of
better methods； that have disquieted all the ages through which
the procession has taken its march。 Its members are classified by
the merest external circumstances； and thus are more certain to
be thrown out of their true positions than if no principle of
arrangement were attempted。 In one part of the procession we see
men of landed estate or moneyed capital gravely keeping each
other company； for the preposterous reason that they chance to
have a similar standing in the tax…gatherer's book。 Trades and
professions march together with scarcely a more real bond of
union。 In this manner； it cannot be denied； people are
disentangled from the mass and separated into various classes
according to certain apparent relations； all have some artificial
badge which the world； and themselves among the first； learn to
consider as a genuine characteristic。 Fixing our attention on
such outside shows of similarity or difference； we lose sight of
those realities by which nature； fortune； fate； or Providence has
constituted for every man a brotherhood； wherein it is one great
office of human wisdom to classify him。 When the mind has once
accustomed itself to a proper arrangement of the Procession of
Life； or a true classification of society； even though merely
speculative； there is thenceforth a satisfaction which pretty
well suffices for itself without the aid of any actual
reformation in the order of march。
For instance； assuming to myself the power of marshalling the
aforesaid procession； I direct a trumpeter to send forth a blast
loud enough to be heard from hence to China； and a herald； with
world…pervading voice； to make proclamation for a certain class
of mortals to take their places。 What shall be their principle of
union？ After all； an external one； in comparison with many that
might be found； yet far more real than those which the world has
selected for a similar purpose。 Let all who are afflicted with
like physical diseases form themselves into ranks。
Our first attempt at classification is not very successful。 It
may gratify the pride of aristocracy to reflect that disease；
more than any other circumstance of human life； pays due
observance to the distinctions which rank and wealth； and poverty
and lowliness； have established among mankind。 Some maladies are
rich and precious； and only to be acquired by the right of
inheritance or purchased with gold。 Of this kind is the gout；
which serves as a bond of brotherhood to the purple…visaged
gentry； who obey the herald's voice； and painfully hobble from
all civilized regions of the globe to take their post in the
grand procession。 In mercy to their toes； let us hope that the
march may not be long。 The Dyspeptics； too； are people of good
standing in the world。 For them the earliest salmon is caught in
our eastern rivers； and the shy woodcock stains the dry leaves
with his blood in his remotest haunts； and the turtle comes from
the far Pacific Islands to be gobbled up in soup。 They can afford
to flavor all their dishes with indolence； which； in spite of the
general opinion； is a sauce more exquisitely piquant than
appetite won by exercise。 Apoplexy is another highly respectable
disease。 We will rank together all who have the symptom of
dizziness in the brain； and as fast as any drop by the way supply
their places with new members of the board of aldermen。
On the other hand； here come whole tribes of people whose
physical lives are but a deteriorated variety of life； and
themselves a meaner species of mankind； so sad an effect has been
wrought by the tainted breath of cities； scanty and unwholesome
food； destructive modes of labor； and the lack of those moral
supports that might partially have counteracted such bad
influences。 Behold here a train of house painters； all afflicted
with a peculiar sort of colic。 Next in place we will marshal
those workmen in cutlery； who have breathed a fatal disorder into
their lungs with the impalpable dust of steel。 Tailors and
shoemakers； being sedentary men； will chiefly congregate into one
part of the procession and march under similar banners of
disease； but among them we may observe here and there a sickly
student； who has left his health between the leaves of classic
volumes； and clerks； likewise； who have caught their deaths on
high official stools； and men of genius too； who have written
sheet after sheet with pens dipped in their heart's blood。 These
are a wretched quaking； short…breathed set。 But what is this
cloud of pale…cheeked； slender girls； who disturb the ear with
the multiplicity of their short； dry coughs？ They are
seamstresses； who have plied the daily and nightly needle in the
service of master tailors and close…fisted contractors； until now
it is almost time for each to hem the borders of her own shroud。
Consumption points their place in the procession。 With their sad
sisterhood are intermingled many youthful maidens who have
sickened in aristocratic mansions； and for whose aid science has
unavailingly searched its volumes； and whom breathless love has
watched。 In our ranks the rich maiden and the poor seamstress may
walk arm in arm。 We might find innumerable other instances； where
the bond of mutual diseasenot to speak of nation…sweeping
pestilenceembraces high and low； and makes the king a brother
of the clown。 But it is not hard to own that disease is the
natural aristocrat。 Let him keep his state； and have his
established orders of rank； and wear his royal mantle of the
color of a fever flush and let the noble and wealthy boast their
own physical infirmities； and display their symptoms as the
badges of high station。 All things considered； these are as
proper subjects of human pride as any relations of human rank
that men can fix upon。
Sound again； thou deep…breathed trumpeter！ and herald； with thy
voice of might； shout forth another summons that shall reach the
old baronial castles of Europe； and the rudest cabin of our
western wilderness！ What class is next to take its place in the
procession of mortal life？ Let it be those whom the gifts of
intellect have united in a noble brotherhood。
Ay； this is a reality； before which the conventional distinctions
of society melt away like a vapor when we would grasp it with the
hand。 Were Byron now