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If that is not Sensation;
I don't know what it is。
〃Now try your hand; ere Fancy
Have lost its present glow … 〃
〃And then;〃 his grandson added;
〃We'll publish it; you know:
Green cloth … gold…lettered at the back …
In duodecimo!〃
Then proudly smiled that old man
To see the eager lad
Rush madly for his pen and ink
And for his blotting…pad …
But; when he thought of PUBLISHING;
His face grew stern and sad。
SIZE AND TEARS
WHEN on the sandy shore I sit;
Beside the salt sea…wave;
And fall into a weeping fit
Because I dare not shave …
A little whisper at my ear
Enquires the reason of my fear。
I answer 〃If that ruffian Jones
Should recognise me here;
He'd bellow out my name in tones
Offensive to the ear:
He chaffs me so on being stout
(A thing that always puts me out)。〃
Ah me! I see him on the cliff!
Farewell; farewell to hope;
If he should look this way; and if
He's got his telescope!
To whatsoever place I flee;
My odious rival follows me!
For every night; and everywhere;
I meet him out at dinner;
And when I've found some charming fair;
And vowed to die or win her;
The wretch (he's thin and I am stout)
Is sure to come and cut me out!
The girls (just like them!) all agree
To praise J。 Jones; Esquire:
I ask them what on earth they see
About him to admire?
They cry 〃He is so sleek and slim;
It's quite a treat to look at him!〃
They vanish in tobacco smoke;
Those visionary maids …
I feel a sharp and sudden poke
Between the shoulder…blades …
〃Why; Brown; my boy! Your growing stout!〃
(I told you he would find me out!)
〃My growth is not YOUR business; Sir!〃
〃No more it is; my boy!
But if it's YOURS; as I infer;
Why; Brown; I give you joy!
A man; whose business prospers so;
Is just the sort of man to know!
〃It's hardly safe; though; talking here …
I'd best get out of reach:
For such a weight as yours; I fear;
Must shortly sink the beach!〃 …
Insult me thus because I'm stout!
I vow I'll go and call him out!
ATALANTA IN CAMDEN…TOWN
AY; 'twas here; on this spot;
In that summer of yore;
Atalanta did not
Vote my presence a bore;
Nor reply to my tenderest talk 〃She had
heard all that nonsense before。〃
She'd the brooch I had bought
And the necklace and sash on;
And her heart; as I thought;
Was alive to my passion;
And she'd done up her hair in the style that
the Empress had brought into fashion。
I had been to the play
With my pearl of a Peri …
But; for all I could say;
She declared she was weary;
That 〃the place was so crowded and hot; and
she couldn't abide that Dundreary。〃
Then I thought 〃Lucky boy!
'Tis for YOU that she whimpers!〃
And I noted with joy
Those sensational simpers:
And I said 〃This is scrumptious!〃 … a
phrase I had learned from the Devonshire shrimpers。
And I vowed 〃'Twill be said
I'm a fortunate fellow;
When the breakfast is spread;
When the topers are mellow;
When the foam of the bride…cake is white;
and the fierce orange…blossoms are yellow!〃
O that languishing yawn!
O those eloquent eyes!
I was drunk with the dawn
Of a splendid surmise …
I was stung by a look; I was slain by a tear;
by a tempest of sighs。
Then I whispered 〃I see
The sweet secret thou keepest。
And the yearning for ME
That thou wistfully weepest!
And the question is 'License or Banns?';
though undoubtedly Banns are the cheapest。〃
〃Be my Hero;〃 said I;
〃And let ME be Leander!〃
But I lost her reply …
Something ending with 〃gander〃 …
For the omnibus rattled so loud that no
mortal could quite understand her。
THE LANG COORTIN'
THE ladye she stood at her lattice high;
Wi' her doggie at her feet;
Thorough the lattice she can spy
The passers in the street;
〃There's one that standeth at the door;
And tirleth at the pin:
Now speak and say; my popinjay;
If I sall let him in。〃
Then up and spake the popinjay
That flew abune her head:
〃Gae let him in that tirls the pin:
He cometh thee to wed。〃
O when he cam' the parlour in;
A woeful man was he!
〃And dinna ye ken your lover agen;
Sae well that loveth thee?〃
〃And how wad I ken ye loved me; Sir;
That have been sae lang away?
And how wad I ken ye loved me; Sir?
Ye never telled me sae。〃
Said … 〃Ladye dear;〃 and the salt; salt tear
Cam' rinnin' doon his cheek;
〃I have sent the tokens of my love
This many and many a week。
〃O didna ye get the rings; Ladye;
The rings o' the gowd sae fine?
I wot that I have sent to thee
Four score; four score and nine。〃
〃They cam' to me;〃 said that fair ladye。
〃Wow; they were flimsie things!〃
Said … 〃that chain o' gowd; my doggie to howd;
It is made o' thae self…same rings。〃
〃And didna ye get the locks; the locks;
The locks o' my ain black hair;
Whilk I sent by post; whilk I sent by box;
Whilk I sent by the carrier?〃
〃They cam' to me;〃 said that fair ladye;
〃And I prithee send nae mair!〃
Said … 〃that cushion sae red; for my doggie's head;
It is stuffed wi' thae locks o' hair。〃
〃And didna ye get the letter; Ladye;
Tied wi' a silken string;
Whilk I sent to thee frae the far countrie;
A message of love to bring?〃
〃It cam' to me frae the far countrie
Wi' its silken string and a';
But it wasna prepaid;〃 said that high…born maid;
〃Sae I gar'd them tak' it awa'。〃
〃O ever alack that ye sent it back;
It was written sae clerkly and well!
Now the message it brought; and the boon that it sought;
I must even say it mysel'。〃
Then up and spake the popinjay;
Sae wisely counselled he。
〃Now say it in the proper way:
Gae doon upon thy knee!〃
The lover he turned baith red and pale;
Went doon upon his knee:
〃O Ladye; hear the waesome tale
That must be told to thee!
〃For five lang years; and five lang years;
I coorted thee by looks;
By nods and winks; by smiles and tears;
As I had read in books。
〃For ten lang years; O weary hours!
I coorted thee by signs;
By sending game; by sending flowers;
By sending Valentines。
〃For five lang years; and five lang years;
I have dwelt in the far countrie;
Till that thy mind should be inclined
Mair tenderly to me。
〃Now thirty years are gane and past;
I am come frae a foreign land:
I am come to tell thee my love at last …
O Ladye; gie me thy hand!〃
The ladye she turned not pale nor red;
But she smiled a pitiful smile:
〃Sic' a coortin' as yours; my man;〃 she said
〃Takes a lang and a weary while!〃
And out and laughed the popinjay;
A laugh of bitter scorn:
〃A coortin' done in sic' a way;
It ought not to be borne!〃
Wi' that the doggie barked aloud;
And up and doon he ran;
And tugged and strained his chain o' gowd;
All for to bite the man。
〃O hush thee; gentle popinjay!
O hush thee; doggie dear!
There is a word I fain wad say;
It needeth he should hear!〃
Aye louder screamed that ladye fair
To drown her doggie's bark:
Ever the lover shouted mair
To make that ladye hark:
Shrill and more shrill the popinjay
Upraised his an