按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！
carriage crossed the plain； the aspect of which dreary region seemed
to influence the duration of their melancholy silence。
〃How came you to adopt the ecclesiastical profession？〃 asked the Abbe
Gabriel； suddenly； with an impulsive curiosity which seized him as
soon as the carriage turned into the high…road。
〃I did not look upon the priesthood as a profession；〃 replied the
rector； simply。 〃I cannot understand how a man can become a priest for
any other reason than the undefinable power of vocation。 I know that
many men have served in the Lord's vineyard who have previously worn
out their hearts in the service of passion； some have loved
hopelessly； others have had their love betrayed； men have lost the
flower of their lives in burying a precious wife or an adored
mistress； some have been disgusted with social life at a period when
uncertainty hovers over everything； even over feelings； and doubt
mocks tender certainties by calling them beliefs； others abandon
politics at a period when power seems to be an expiation and when the
governed regard obedience as fatality。 Many leave a society without
banners； where opposing forces only unite to overthrow good。 I do not
think that any man would give himself to God from a covetous motive。
Some men have looked upon the priesthood as a means of regenerating
our country； but； according to my poor lights； a priest…patriot is a
meaningless thing。 The priest can only belong to God。 I did not wish
to offer our Fatherwho nevertheless accepts allthe wreck of my
heart and the fragments of my will； I gave myself to him whole。 In one
of those touching theories of pagan religion； the victim sacrificed to
the false gods goes to the altar decked with flowers。 The significance
of that custom has always deeply touched me。 A sacrifice is nothing
without grace。 My life is simple and without the very slightest
romance。 My father； who has made his own way in the world； is a stern；
inflexible man； he treats his wife and his children as he treats
himself。 I have never seen a smile upon his lips。 His iron hand； his
stern face； his gloomy； rough activity； oppressed us allwife；
children； clerks and servantsunder an almost savage despotism。 I
couldI speak for myself onlyI could have accommodated myself to
this life if the power thus exercised had had an equal repression；
but； captious and vacillating； he treated us all with intolerable
alternations。 We were always ignorant whether we were doing right or
whether he considered us to blame； and the horrible expectancy which
results from that is torture in domestic life。 A street life seems
better than a home under such circumstances。 Had I been alone in the
house I would have borne all from my father without murmuring； but my
heart was torn by the bitter； unceasing anguish of my dear mother；
whom I ardently loved and whose tears put me sometimes into a fury in
which I nearly lost my reason。 My school days； when boys are usually
so full of misery and hard work； were to me a golden period。 I dreaded
holidays。 My mother herself preferred to come and see me。 When I had
finished my philosophical course and was forced to return home and
become my father's clerk； I could not endure it more than a few
months； my mind； bewildered by the fever of adolescence； threatened to
give way。 On a sad autumn evening as I was walking alone with my
mother along the Boulevard Bourdon； then one of the most melancholy
parts of Paris； I poured my heart into hers； and I told her that I saw
no possible life before me except in the Church。 My tastes； my ideas；
all that I most loved would be continually thwarted so long as my
father lived。 Under the cassock of a priest he would be forced to
respect me； and I might thus on certain occasions become the protector
of my family。 My mother wept much。 Just at this period my eldest
brother （since a general and killed at Leipzig） had entered the army
as a private soldier； driven from his home for the same reasons that
made me wish to be a priest。 I showed my mother that her best means of
protection would be to marry my sister； as soon as she was old enough；
to some man of strong character； and to look for help to this new
family。 Under pretence of avoiding the conscription without costing my
father a penny to buy me off； I entered the seminary of Saint…Sulpice
at the age of nineteen。 Within those celebrated old buildings I found
a peace and happiness that were troubled only by the thought of my
mother and my sister's sufferings。 Their domestic misery； no doubt；
went on increasing； for whenever they saw me they sought to strengthen
my resolution。 Perhaps I had been initiated into the secrets of
charity； such as our great Saint Paul defines it； by my own trials。 At
any rate； I longed to stanch the wounds of the poor in some forgotten
corner of the earth； and to prove by my example； if God would deign to
bless my efforts； that the Catholic religion； judged by its actions
for humanity； is the only true； the only beneficent and noble
civilizing force。 During the last days of my diaconate； grace； no
doubt； enlightened me。 I have fully forgiven my father； regarding him
as the instrument of my destiny。 My mother； though I wrote her a long
and tender letter； explaining all things and proving to her that the
finger of God was guiding me； my poor mother wept many tears as she
saw my hair cut off by the scissors of the Church。 She knew herself
how many pleasures I renounced； but she did not know the secret
glories to which I aspired。 Women are so tender！ After I once belonged
to God I felt a boundless peace； I felt no needs； no vanities； none of
those cares which trouble men so much。 I knew that Providence would
take care of me as a thing of its own。 I entered a world from which
all fear is banished； where the future is certain； where all things
are divine； even the silence。 This quietude is one of the benefactions
of grace。 My mother could not conceive that a man could espouse a
church。 Nevertheless； seeing me happy； with a cloudless brow； she grew
happier herself。 After I was ordained I came to the Limousin to visit
one of my paternal relations； who chanced to speak to me of the then
condition of Montegnac。 A thought darted into my mind with the
vividness of lightning； and I said to myself inwardly： 'Here is thy
vineyard！' I came here； and you see； monsieur； that my history is very
simple and uneventful。〃
At this instant Limoges came into sight； bathed in the last rays of
the setting sun。 When the women saw it they could not restrain their
tears； they wept aloud。
IX
DENISE
The young man whom these two different loves were now on their way to
comfort； who excited so much artless curiosity； so much spurious
sympathy and true solicitude； was lying on his prison pallet in one of
the condemned cells。 A spy watched beside the door to catch； if
possible； any words that might escape him； either in sleep or in one
of his violent furies； so anxious were the officers of justice to
exhaust all human means of discovering Jean…Francois Tascheron's
accomplice and recover the sums stolen。
The des Vanneaulx had promised a reward to the police； and the police