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opposite sides of the ottoman； their heads meeting over the central
cushion； talking in low； fond； inaudible tones； Mr。 Edmonstone going in
and out of the room； and joining himself to one or other group； telling
and hearing news； and sometimes breaking up the pairs； and then Mrs。
Edmonstone came to congratulate Charles on Amy's improved looks； or
Charlotte pressed up close to Amy to tell her about grandmamma。 For
Charlotte could not talk about Eveleen； she had been so uncomfortable
at the part she had had to act； that all the commendation she received
was only like pain and shame； and her mother was by no means
dissatisfied that it should be so； since a degree of forwardness had
been her chief cause of anxiety in Charlotte； and it now appeared that
without losing her high spirit and uncompromising sense of right； her
sixteenth year was bringing with it feminine reserve。
Laura lingered late in Amabel's room； and when her mother had wished
them good night； and left them together； she exclaimed； 'Oh； Amy！ I am
so glad to be come back to you。 I have been so very miserable！'
'But you see he is quite well；' said Amy。 'We think him looking better
than in the summer。'
'0 yes！ Oh； Amy； what have you not done？ If you could guess the
relief of hearing you were with him； after that suspense！' But as if
losing that subject in one she was still more eager about； 'What did he
think of me？'
'My dear；' said Amabel； 'I don't think I am the right person to tell
you that。'
'You saw how it struck him when he heard of my share in it。'
'Yours？ Mamma never mentioned you。'
'Always kind！' said Laura。 'Oh； Amy！ what will you think of me when I
tell I knew poor Eva's secret all the time？ What could I do； when Eva
pleaded my own case？ It was very different； but she would not see it；
and I felt as if I was guilty of all。 Oh； how I envied Charlotte。'
'Dear Laura； no wonder you were unhappy！'
'Nothing hitherto has been equal to it！ said Laura。 'There was the
misery of his silence； and the anxiety that you； dearest； freed me
from； then no sooner was that over than this was confided to me。 Think
what I felt when Eva put me in mind of a time when I argued in favour
of some such concealment in a novel！ No； you can never guess what I
went through； knowing that he would think me weak； blameable；
unworthy！'
'Nay； he blames himself too much to blame you。'
'No； that he must not do！ It was my fault from the beginning。 If I
had but gone at once to mamma！'
'Oh； I am so glad！' exclaimed Amy； suddenly。
'Glad？''
'I mean；' said Amy； looking down； 'now you have said that； I am sure
you will be happier。'
'Happier； now I feel and see how I have lowered myself even in his
sight？' said Laura； drooping her head and hiding her face in her hands；
as she went on in so low a tone that Amy could hardly hear her。 'I
know it all now。 He loves me still； as he must whatever he has once
taken； into that deep； deep heart of his： he will always； but he cannot
have that honouring； trusting； confiding love thatyou enjoyed and
deserved； Amythat he would have had if I had cared first for what
became me。 If I had only at first told mamma； he would not even have
been blamed； he would have been spared half this suffering and self…
reproach； he would have loved me more； Eva might not have been led
astray； at least she could not have laid it to my charge；and I could
lift up my head；' she finished； as she hung it almost to her knees。
Her sister raised the head； laid it on her own bosom； and kissed； the
cheeks and brow again and again。 'Dearest； dearest Laura； I am so
sorry for you； but I am sure you must feel freer and happier now you
know it all； and see the truth。'
'I don't know！' said Laura； sadly。
'And at least you will be better able to comfort him。'
'No； no； I shall only add to his self…reproach。 He will see more
plainly what a wretched weak creature he fancied had firmness and
discretion。 Oh； what a broken reed I have been to him！'
'There is strength and comfort for us all to lean upon；' said Amy。
'But you ought to go to bed。 Shall I read to you； Laura？ you are so
tired； I should like to come and read you to sleep。'
Laura was not given to concealments； that fatal one had been her only
insincerity； and she never thought of doing otherwise than telling the
whole of her conduct in Ireland to Philip。 She sat alone with him the
next morning； explained all； and entreated his pardon； humiliating
herself so much； that he could not bear to hear her。
'It was the fault of our whole lifetime； Laura；' said he； recovering
himself； when a few agitated words had passed on either side。 'I
taught you to take my dictum for law； and abused your trusty and
perverted all the best and most precious qualities。 It is I who stand
first to bear the blame； and would that I could bear all the suffering！
But as it is； Laura； we must look to enduring the consequence all our
lives； and give each other what support we may。'
Laura could hardly brook his self…accusation； but she could no longer
argue the point； and there was far more peace and truth before them
than when she believed him infallible； and therefore justified herself
for all she had done in blind obedience to him。
CHAPTER 44
Thus souls by nature pitched too high；
By sufferings plunged too low；
Meet in the church's middle sky；
Halfway 'twixt joy and woe；
To practise there the soothing lay；
That sorrow best relieves；
Thankful for all God takes away；
Humbled by all He gives。CHRISTIAN YEAR
One Afternoon； late in April； Charles opened the dressing…room door；
and paused a moment； smiling。 There sat Amabel on the floor before the
fire； her hand stretched out； playfully holding back the little one；
who； with scanty； flossy； silken curls； hazel eyes and jet…black
lashes； plump； mottled arms； and tiny tottering feet； stood crowing and
shouting in exulting laughter； having just made a triumphant clutch at
her mamma's hair； and pulled down all the light； shining locks； while
under their shade the reddening； smiling face recalled the Amy of days
long gone by。
'That's right！ cried Charles； delighted； 'pull it all down。 Out with
mamma's own curls again！'
'No； I can never wear my curls again；' said Amy； so mournfully； that he
was sorry he had referred to them； and perceiving this； she smiled
sweetly； and pulling a tress to its full length； showed how much too
short it was for anything but being put plainly under the cap； to which
she restored it。
'Is Mrs。 Henley come？' she asked。
'As large as life； and that is saying a good deal。 She would make two
of Philip。 As tall and twice as broad。 I thought Juno herself was
advancing on me from the station。'
'How did you get on with her？'