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dismal childhood。 But what I thought of most was the ghostly
figure I had seen in the garden that first night after my arrival。
I went out every evening and wandered through the walks and paths；
but； try as I might； I did not see my vision again。 At last； after
many days； the memory grew more faint； and my old moody nature
gradually overcame the temporary sense of lightness I had
experienced。 The summer turned to autumn； and I grew restless。 It
began to rain。 The dampness pervaded the gardens； and the outer
halls smelled musty； like tombs； the gray sky oppressed me
intolerably。 I left the place as it was and went abroad；
determined to try anything which might possibly make a second break
in the monotonous melancholy from which I suffered。
II
Most people would be struck by the utter insignificance of the
small events which； after the death of my parents； influenced my
life and made me unhappy。 The grewsome forebodings of a Welsh
nurse； which chanced to be realized by an odd coincidence of
events； should not seem enough to change the nature of a child and
to direct the bent of his character in after years。 The little
disappointments of schoolboy life； and the somewhat less childish
ones of an uneventful and undistinguished academic career； should
not have sufficed to turn me out at one…and…twenty years of age a
melancholic； listless idler。 Some weakness of my own character may
have contributed to the result； but in a greater degree it was due
to my having a reputation for bad luck。 However； I will not try to
analyze the causes of my state； for I should satisfy nobody； least
of all myself。 Still less will I attempt to explain why I felt a
temporary revival of my spirits after my adventure in the garden。
It is certain that I was in love with the face I had seen； and that
I longed to see it again； that I gave up all hope of a second
visitation； grew more sad than ever； packed up my traps； and
finally went abroad。 But in my dreams I went back to my home； and
it always appeared to me sunny and bright； as it had looked on that
summer's morning after I had seen the woman by the fountain。
I went to Paris。 I went farther； and wandered about Germany。 I
tried to amuse myself； and I failed miserably。 With the aimless
whims of an idle and useless man come all sorts of suggestions for
good resolutions。 One day I made up my mind that I would go and
bury myself in a German university for a time； and live simply like
a poor student。 I started with the intention of going to Leipzig；
determined to stay there until some event should direct my life or
change my humor； or make an end of me altogether。 The express
train stopped at some station of which I did not know the name。 It
was dusk on a winter's afternoon； and I peered through the thick
glass from my seat。 Suddenly another train came gliding in from
the opposite direction； and stopped alongside of ours。 I looked at
the carriage which chanced to be abreast of mine； and idly read the
black letters painted on a white board swinging from the brass
handrail： BERLINCOLOGNEPARIS。 Then I looked up at the window
above。 I started violently； and the cold perspiration broke out
upon my forehead。 In the dim light； not six feet from where I sat；
I saw the face of a woman； the face I loved； the straight； fine
features； the strange eyes； the wonderful mouth； the pale skin。
Her head…dress was a dark veil which seemed to be tied about her
head and passed over the shoulders under her chin。 As I threw down
the window and knelt on the cushioned seat； leaning far out to get
a better view； a long whistle screamed through the station；
followed by a quick series of dull； clanking sounds； then there was
a slight jerk； and my train moved on。 Luckily the window was
narrow； being the one over the seat； beside the door； or I believe
I would have jumped out of it then and there。 In an instant the
speed increased； and I was being carried swiftly away in the
opposite direction from the thing I loved。
For a quarter of an hour I lay back in my place； stunned by the
suddenness of the apparition。 At last one of the two other
passengers； a large and gorgeous captain of the White Konigsberg
Cuirassiers； civilly but firmly suggested that I might shut my
window； as the evening was cold。 I did so； with an apology； and
relapsed into silence。 The train ran swiftly on for a long time；
and it was already beginning to slacken speed before entering
another station； when I roused myself and made a sudden resolution。
As the carriage stopped before the brilliantly lighted platform； I
seized my belongings； saluted my fellow…passengers； and got out；
determined to take the first express back to Paris。
This time the circumstances of the vision had been so natural that
it did not strike me that there was anything unreal about the face；
or about the woman to whom it belonged。 I did not try to explain
to myself how the face； and the woman； could be traveling by a fast
train from Berlin to Paris on a winter's afternoon； when both were
in my mind indelibly associated with the moonlight and the
fountains in my own English home。 I certainly would not have
admitted that I had been mistaken in the dusk； attributing to what
I had seen a resemblance to my former vision which did not really
exist。 There was not the slightest doubt in my mind； and I was
positively sure that I had again seen the face I loved。 I did not
hesitate； and in a few hours I was on my way back to Paris。 I
could not help reflecting on my ill luck。 Wandering as I had been
for many months； it might as easily have chanced that I should be
traveling in the same train with that woman； instead of going the
other way。 But my luck was destined to turn for a time。
I searched Paris for several days。 I dined at the principal
hotels； I went to the theaters； I rode in the Bois de Boulogne in
the morning； and picked up an acquaintance； whom I forced to drive
with me in the afternoon。 I went to mass at the Madeleine； and I
attended the services at the English Church。 I hung about the
Louvre and Notre Dame。 I went to Versailles。 I spent hours in
parading the Rue de Rivoli； in the neighborhood of Meurice's
corner； where foreigners pass and repass from morning till night。
At last I received an invitation to a reception at the English
Embassy。 I went； and I found what I had sought so long。
There she was； sitting by an old lady in gray satin and diamonds；
who had a wrinkled but kindly face and keen gray eyes that seemed
to take in everything they saw； with very little inclination to
give much in return。 But I did not notice the chaperon。 I saw
only the face that had haunted me for months； and in the excitement
of the moment I walked quickly toward the pair； forgetting such a
trifle as the necessity for an introduction。
She was far more beautiful than I had thought； but I never doubted
that it was she herself