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I find myself more and more interested in him。 It is not； I am
sure； hisdo you know any noun corresponding to the adjective
〃handsome〃？ One does not like to say 〃beauty〃 when speaking of a
man。 He is handsome enough； heaven knows； I should not even care
to trust you with himfaithful of all possible wives that you are
when he looks his best； as he always does。 Nor do I think the
fascination of his manner has much to do with it。 You recollect
that the charm of art inheres in that which is undefinable； and to
you and me； my dear Irene； I fancy there is rather less of that in
the branch of art under consideration than to girls in their first
season。 I fancy I know how my fine gentleman produces many of his
effects； and could； perhaps； give him a pointer on heightening
them。 Nevertheless； his manner is something truly delightful。 I
suppose what interests me chiefly is the man's brains。 His
conversation is the best I have ever heard； and altogether unlike
anyone's else。 He seems to know everything； as； indeed； he ought；
for he has been everywhere； read everything； seen all there is to
seesometimes I think rather more than is good for himand had
acquaintance with the QUEEREST people。 And then his voiceIrene；
when I hear it I actually feel as if I ought to have PAID AT THE
DOOR； though； of course； it is my own door。
July 3d。
I fear my remarks about Dr。 Barritz must have been； being
thoughtless； very silly； or you would not have written of him with
such levity； not to say disrespect。 Believe me； dearest； he has
more dignity and seriousness （of the kind； I mean； which is not
inconsistent with a manner sometimes playful and always charming）
than any of the men that you and I ever met。 And young Raynoryou
knew Raynor at Montereytells me that the men all like him； and
that he is treated with something like deference everywhere。 There
is a mystery； toosomething about his connection with the
Blavatsky people in Northern India。 Raynor either would not or
could not tell me the particulars。 I infer that Dr。 Barritz is
thoughtdon't you dare to laugh at mea magician！ Could anything
be finer than that？ An ordinary mystery is not； of course； as good
as a scandal； but when it relates to dark and dreadful practices
to the exercise of unearthly powerscould anything be more
piquant？ It explains； too； the singular influence the man has upon
me。 It is the undefinable in his artblack art。 Seriously； dear；
I quite tremble when he looks me full in the eyes with those
unfathomable orbs of his； which I have already vainly attempted to
describe to you。 How dreadful if we have the power to make one
fall in love！ Do you know if the Blavatsky crowd have that power
outside of Sepoy？
July 1
The strangest thing！ Last evening while Auntie was attending one
of the hotel hops （I hate them） Dr。 Barritz called。 It was
scandalously lateI actually believe he had talked with Auntie in
the ballroom； and learned from her that I was alone。 I had been
all the evening contriving how to worm out of him the truth about
his connection with the Thugs in Sepoy； and all of that black
business； but the moment he fixed his eyes on me （for I admitted
him； I'm ashamed to say） I was helpless； I trembled； I blushed； I
O Irene； Irene； I love the man beyond expression； and you know how
it is yourself！
Fancy！ I； an ugly duckling from Redhorsedaughter （they say） of
old Calamity Jimcertainly his heiress； with no living relation
but an absurd old aunt； who spoils me a thousand and fifty ways
absolutely destitute of everything but a million dollars and a hope
in ParisI daring to love a god like him！ My dear； if I had you
here； I could tear your hair out with mortification。
I am convinced that he is aware of my feeling； for he stayed but a
few moments； said nothing but what another man might have said half
as well； and pretending that he had an engagement went away。 I
learned to…day （a little bird told methe bell bird） that he went
straight to bed。 How does that strike you as evidence of exemplary
habits？
July 17th。
That little wretch； Raynor； called yesterday； and his babble set me
almost wild。 He never runs downthat is to say； when he
exterminates a score of reputations； more or less； he does not
pause between one reputation and the next。 （By the way； he
inquired about you； and his manifestations of interest in you had；
I confess； a good deal of vraisemblance。）
Mr。 Raynor observes no game laws； like Death （which he would
inflict if slander were fatal） he has all seasons for his own。 But
I like him； for we knew one another at Redhorse when we were young
and true…hearted and barefooted。 He was known in those far fair
days as 〃Giggles；〃 and IO Irene； can you ever forgive me？I was
called 〃Gunny。〃 God knows why； perhaps in allusion to the material
of my pinafores； perhaps because the name is in alliteration with
〃Giggles；〃 for Gig and I were inseparable playmates； and the miners
may have thought it a delicate compliment to recognize some kind of
relationship between us。
Later； we took in a thirdanother of Adversity's brood； who； like
Garrick between Tragedy and Comedy； had a chronic inability to
adjudicate the rival claims （to himself） of Frost and Famine。
Between him and the grave there was seldom anything more than a
single suspender and the hope of a meal which would at the same
time support life and make it insupportable。 He literally picked
up a precarious living for himself and an aged mother by
〃chloriding the dumps；〃 that is to say； the miners permitted him to
search the heaps of waste rock for such pieces of 〃pay ore〃 as had
been overlooked； and these he sacked up and sold at the Syndicate
Mill。 He became a member of our firm〃Gunny； Giggles； and Dumps；〃
thenceforththrough my favor； for I could not then； nor can I now；
be indifferent to his courage and prowess in defending against
Giggles the immemorial right of his sex to insult a strange and
unprotected femalemyself。 After old Jim struck it in the
Calamity； and I began to wear shoes and go to school； and in
emulation Giggles took to washing his face； and became Jack Raynor；
of Wells； Fargo & Co。； and old Mrs。 Barts was herself chlorided to
her fathers； Dumps drifted over to San Juan Smith and turned stage
driver； and was killed by road agents； and so forth。
Why do I tell you all this； dear？ Because it is heavy on my heart。
Because I walk the Valley of Humility。 Because I am subduing
myself to permanent consciousness of my unworthiness to unloose the
latchet of Dr。 Barritz's shoe。 Because…oh； dear； oh； dearthere's
a cousin of Dumps at this hotel！ I haven't spoken to him。 I never
had any acquaintance with him； butdo you suppose he has
recognized me？ Do； please； give me in your next your candid； sure…
enough opinion about it； and say you don't think so。 Do you think
He knows about me already and that is why He left