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happiness; nor awaken my heart from its slumbers; in which it
dreams of the worthlessness of life! And why not? Because she
knows how much I love her。
SEPTEMBER 15。
It makes me wretched; Wilhelm; to think that there should be men
incapable of appreciating the few things which possess a real value
in life。 You remember the walnut trees at S; under which I used
to sit with Charlotte; during my visits to the worthy old vicar。
Those glorious trees; the very sight of which has so often filled
my heart with joy; how they adorned and refreshed the parsonage
yard; with their wide…extended branches! and how pleasing was our
remembrance of the good old pastor; by whose hands they were
planted so many years ago: The schoolmaster has frequently mentioned
his name。 He had it from his grandfather。 He must have been a
most excellent man; and; under the shade of those old trees; his
memory was ever venerated by me。 The schoolmaster informed us
yesterday; with tears in his eyes; that those trees had been felled。
Yes; cut to the ground! I could; in my wrath; have slain the
monster who struck the first stroke。 And I must endure this!
I; who; if I had had two such trees in my own court; and one had
died from old age; should have wept with real affliction。 But
there is some comfort left; such a thing is sentiment; the whole
village murmurs at the misfortune; and I hope the vicar's wife
will soon find; by the cessation of the villagers' presents; how
much she has wounded the feelings of the neighborhhood。 It was
she who did it; the wife of the present incumbent (our good old
man is dead); a tall; sickly creature who is so far right to
disregard the world; as the world totally disregards her。 The
silly being affects to be learned; pretends to examine the canonical
books; lends her aid toward the new…fashioned reformation of
Christendom; moral and critical; and shrugs up her shoulders at
the mention of Lavater's enthusiasm。 Her health is destroyed; on
account of which she is prevented from having any enjoyment here
below。 Only such a creature could have cut down my walnut trees!
I can never pardon it。 Hear her reasons。 The falling leaves made
the court wet and dirty; the branches obstructed the light; boys
threw stones at the nuts when they were ripe; and the noise affected
her nerves; and disturbed her profound meditations; when she was
weighing the diffculties of Kennicot; Semler; and Michaelis。
Finding that all the parish; particularly the old people; were
displeased; I asked 〃why they allowed it?〃 〃Ah; sir!〃 they replied;
〃when the steward orders; what can we poor peasants do?〃 But one
thing has happened well。 The steward and the vicar (who; for once;
thought to reap some advantage from the caprices of his wife)
intended to divide the trees between them。 The revenue…office;
being informed of it; revived an old claim to the ground where the
trees had stood; and sold them to the best bidder。 There they
still lie on the ground。 If I were the sovereign; I should know
how to deal with them all; vicar; steward; and revenue…office。
Sovereign; did I say? I should; in that case; care little about
the trees that grew in the country。
OCTOBER 10。
Only to gaze upon her dark eyes is to me a source of happiness!
And what grieves me; is; that Albert does not seem so happy as he
hoped to be as I should have been if I am no friend
to these pauses; but here I cannot express it otherwise; and
probably I am explicit enough。
OCTOBER 12。
Ossian has superseded Homer in my heart。 To what a world does
the illustrious bard carry me! To wander over pathless wilds;
surrounded by impetuous whirlwinds; where; by the feeble light
of the moon; we see the spirits of our ancestors; to hear from
the mountain…tops; mid the roar of torrents; their plaintive
sounds issuing from deep caverns; and the sorrowful lamentations
of a maiden who sighs and expires on the mossy tomb of the warrior
by whom she was adored。 I meet this bard with silver hair; he
wanders in the valley; he seeks the footsteps of his fathers; and;
alas! he finds only their tombs。 Then; contemplating the pale
moon; as she sinks beneath the waves of the rolling sea; the memory
of bygone days strikes the mind of the hero; days when approaching
danger invigorated the brave; and the moon shone upon his bark
laden with spoils; and returning in triumph。 When I read in his
countenance deep sorrow; when I see his dying glory sink exhausted
into the grave; as he inhales new and heart…thrilling delight
from his approaching union with his beloved; and he casts a look
on the cold earth and the tall grass which is so soon to cover him;
and then exclaims; 〃The traveller will come; he will come who
has seen my beauty; and he will ask; 'Where is the bard; where is
the illustrious son of Fingal?' He will walk over my tomb; and
will seek me in vain!〃 Then; O my friend; I could instantly; like
a true and noble knight; draw my sword; and deliver my prince from
the long and painful languor of a living death; and dismiss my own
soul to follow the demigod whom my hand had set free!
OCTOBER 19。
Alas! the void the fearful void; which I feel in my bosom! Sometimes
I think; if I could only once but once; press her to my heart; this
dreadful void would be filled。
OCTOBER 26。
Yes; I feel certain; Wilhelm; and every day I become more certain;
that the existence of any being whatever is of very little consequence。
A friend of Charlotte's called to see her just now。 I withdrew
into a neighbouring apartment; and took up a book; but; finding I
could not read; I sat down to write。 I heard them converse in an
undertone: they spoke upon indifferent topics; and retailed the
news of the town。 One was going to be married; another was ill;
very ill; she had a dry cough; her face was growing thinner daily;
and she had occasional fits。 〃N is very unwell too;〃 said
Charlotte。 〃His limbs begin to swell already;〃 answered the other;
and my lively imagination carried me at once to the beds of the
infirm。 There I see them struggling against death; with all the
agonies of pain and horror; and these women; Wilhelm; talk of all
this with as much indifference as one would mention the death of
a stranger。 And when I look around the apartment where I now am
when I see Charlotte's apparel lying before me; and Albert's
writings; and all those articles of furniture which are so familiar
to me; even to the very inkstand which I am using; when I think
what I am to this family everything。 My friends esteem me; I often
contribute to their happiness; and my heart seems as if it could
not beat without them; and yet … if I were to die; if I were
to be summoned from the midst of this circle; would they feel
or how long would they feel the void which my loss would make in
their existence? How long! Yes; such is the frailty of man; that
even there; where he has the greatest consciousness of his own
being; where he makes the strongest and most forcible impression;
even in the memory; in the heart; of his beloved; there also he
must perish; vanish; and that quickly。
OCTOBER 27。
I could tear open my