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He looked his wonder。 〃All alone with that bewildered bonne？
But how many of them are there？ Five？ Good Lord！〃 He
contemplated the clock with unseeing eyes； and then turned them
again on her face。
〃I should have thought a lot of children would rather get on
your nerves。〃
〃Oh； not these children。 They're so good to me。〃
〃Ah； well； I suppose it won't be for long。〃
He sent his eyes again about the room； which his absent…minded
gaze seemed to reduce to its dismal constituent elements； and
added； with an obvious effort at small talk： 〃I hear the
Fulmers are not hitting it off very well since his success。 Is
it true that he's going to marry Violet Melrose？〃
The blood rose to Susy's face。 〃Oh； never； never！ He and Grace
are travelling together now。〃
〃Oh； I didn't know。 People say things 。。。。〃 He was visibly
embarrassed with the subject； and sorry that he had broached it。
〃Some of the things that people say are true。 But Grace doesn't
mind。 She says she and Nat belong to each other。 They can't
help it； she thinks； after having been through such a lot
together。〃
〃Dear old Grace！〃
He had risen from his chair； and this time she made no effort to
detain him。 He seemed to have recovered his self…composure； and
it struck her painfully； humiliatingly almost； that he should
have spoken in that light way of the expedition to Fontainebleau
on the morrow 。。。。 Well； men were different； she supposed； she
remembered having felt that once before about Nick。
It was on the tip of her tongue to cry out： 〃But waitwait！
I'm not going to marry Strefford after all！〃but to do so would
seem like an appeal to his compassion； to his indulgence； and
that was not what she wanted。 She could never forget that he
had left her because he had not been able to forgive her for
〃managing〃and not for the world would she have him think that
this meeting had been planned for such a purpose。
〃If he doesn't see that I am different； in spite of
appearances 。。。 and that I never was what he said I was that
dayif in all these months it hasn't come over him； what's the
use of trying to make him see it now？〃 she mused。 And then； her
thoughts hurrying on： 〃Perhaps he's suffering tooI believe he
is suffering…at any rate； he's suffering for me； if not for
himself。 But if he's pledged to Coral； what can he do？ What
would he think of me if I tried to make him break his word to
her？〃
There he stoodthe man who was 〃going to Fontainebleau to…
morrow〃； who called it 〃taking the necessary steps！〃 Who could
smile as he made the careless statement！ A world seemed to
divide them already： it was as if their parting were already
over。 All the words； cries； arguments beating loud wings in her
dropped back into silence。 The only thought left was： 〃How
much longer does he mean to go on standing there？〃
He may have read the question in her face； for turning back from
an absorbed contemplation of the window curtains he said：
〃There's nothing else？〃
〃Nothing else？〃
〃I mean： you spoke of things to be settled〃
She flushed； suddenly remembering the pretext she had used to
summon him。
〃Oh；〃 she faltered； 〃I didn't know 。。。 I thought there might
be 。。。。 But the lawyers； I suppose 。。。。〃
She saw the relief on his contracted face。 〃Exactly。 I've
always thought it was best to leave it to them。 I assure you〃
again for a moment the smile strained his lips 〃I shall do
nothing to interfere with a quick settlement。〃
She stood motionless； feeling herself turn to stone。 He
appeared already a long way off； like a figure vanishing down a
remote perspective。
〃Thengood…bye；〃 she heard him say from its farther end。
〃Oh；good…bye；〃 she faltered； as if she had not had the word
ready； and was relieved to have him supply it。
He stopped again on the threshold； looked back at her； began to
speak。 〃I've〃 he said； then he repeated 〃Good…bye；〃 as though
to make sure he had not forgotten to say it； and the door closed
on him。
It was over； she had had her last chance and missed it。 Now；
whatever happened； the one thing she had lived and longed for
would never be。 He had come； and she had let him go again 。。。。
How had it come about？ Would she ever be able to explain it to
herself？ How was it that she； so fertile in strategy； so
practiced in feminine arts； had stood there before him；
helpless； inarticulate； like a school…girl a…choke with her
first love…longing？ If he was gone； and gone never to return；
it was her own fault； and none but hers。 What had she done to
move him； detain him； make his heart beat and his head swim as
hers were beating and swimming？ She stood aghast at her own
inadequacy； her stony inexpressiveness 。。。。
And suddenly she lifted her hands to her throbbing forehead and
cried out： 〃But this is love！ This must be love！〃
She had loved him before； she supposed； for what else was she to
call the impulse that had drawn her to him； taught her how to
overcome his scruples； and whirled him away with her on their
mad adventure？ Well； if that was love； this was something so
much larger and deeper that the other feeling seemed the mere
dancing of her blood in tune with his 。。。。
But； no！ Real love； great love； the love that poets sang； and
privileged and tortured beings lived and died of； that love had
its own superior expressiveness； and the sure command of its
means。 The petty arts of coquetry were no farther from it than
the numbness of the untaught girl。 Great love was wise； strong；
powerful； like genius； like any other dominant form of human
power。 It knew itself； and what it wanted； and how to attain
its ends。
Not great love； then 。。。 but just the common humble average of
human love was hers。 And it had come to her so newly； so
overwhelmingly； with a face so grave； a touch so startling； that
she had stood there petrified； humbled at the first look of its
eyes； recognizing that what she had once taken for love was
merely pleasure and spring…time； and the flavour of youth。
〃But how was I to know？ And now it's too late！〃 she wailed。
XXIX
THE inhabitants of the little house in Passy were of necessity
early risers； but when Susy jumped out of bed the next morning
no one else was astir； and it lacked nearly an hour of the call
of the bonne's alarm…clock。
For a moment Susy leaned out of her dark room into the darker
night。 A cold drizzle fell on her face； and she shivered and
drew back。 Then； lighting a candle； and shading it； as her
habit was； from the sleeping child； she slipped on her dressing…
gown and opened the door。 On the threshold she paused to look
at her watch。 Only half…past five！ She thought with
compunction of the unkindness of breaking in on Junie Fulmer's
slumbers； but such scruples did not weigh an ounce in the
balance of her purpose。 Poor Junie would have to ov