按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页,按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页,按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部!
————未阅读完?加入书签已便下次继续阅读!
fact gone about that she was once more only a poor hanger…on; to
be taken up when it was convenient; and ignored in the
intervals? She did not know; though she fancied Strefford's
newly…developed pride would prevent his revealing to any one
what had passed between them。 For several days after her abrupt
flight he had made no sign; and though she longed to write and
ask his forgiveness she could not find the words。 Finally it
was he who wrote: a short note; from Altringham; typical of all
that was best in the old Strefford。 He had gone down to
Altringham; he told her; to think quietly over their last talk;
and try to understand what she had been driving at。 He had to
own that he couldn't; but that; he supposed; was the very head
and front of his offending。 Whatever he had done to displease
her; he was sorry for; but he asked; in view of his invincible
ignorance; to be allowed not to regard his offence as a cause
for a final break。 The possibility of that; he found; would
make him even more unhappy than he had foreseen; as she knew;
his own happiness had always been his first object in life; and
he therefore begged her to suspend her decision a little longer。
He expected to be in Paris within another two months; and before
arriving he would write again; and ask her to see him。
The letter moved her but did not make her waver。 She simply
wrote that she was touched by his kindness; and would willingly
see him if he came to Paris later; though she was bound to tell
him that she had not yet changed her mind; and did not believe
it would promote his happiness to have her try to do so。
He did not reply to this; and there was nothing further to keep
her thoughts from revolving endlessly about her inmost hopes and
fears。
On the rainy afternoon in question; tramping home from the
〃cours〃 (to which she was to return at six); she had said to
herself that it was two months that very day since Nick had
known she was ready to release himand that after such a delay
he was not likely to take any further steps。 The thought filled
her with a vague ecstasy。 She had had to fix an arbitrary date
as the term of her anguish; and she had fixed that one; and
behold she was justified。 For what could his silence mean but
that he too 。。。。
On the hall…table lay a typed envelope with the Paris postage…
mark。 She opened it carelessly; and saw that the letter…head
bore Mr。 Spearman's office address。 The words beneath spun
round before her eyes 。。。。 〃Has notified us that he is at your
disposal 。。。 carry out your wishes 。。。 arriving in Paris 。。。 fix
an appointment with his lawyers 。。。。〃
Nickit was Nick the words were talking of! It was the fact of
Nick's return to Paris that was being described in those
preposterous terms! She sank down on the bench beside the
dripping umbrella…stand and stared vacantly before her。 It had
fallen at lastthis blow in which she now saw that she had
never really believed! And yet she had imagined she was
prepared for it; had expected it; was already planning her
future life in view of itan effaced impersonal life in the
service of somebody else's childrenwhen; in reality; under
that thin surface of abnegation and acceptance; all the old
hopes had been smouldering red…hot in their ashes! What was the
use of any self…discipline; any philosophy; any experience; if
the lawless self underneath could in an instant consume them
like tinder?
She tried to collect herselfto understand what had happened。
Nick was coming to Pariscoming not to see her but to consult
his lawyer! It meant; of course; that he had definitely
resolved to claim his freedom; and that; if he had made up his
mind to this final step; after more than six months of inaction
and seeming indifference; it could be only because something
unforeseen and decisive had happened to him。 Feverishly; she
put together again the stray scraps of gossip and the newspaper
paragraphs that had reached her in the last months。 It was
evident that Miss Hicks's projected marriage with the Prince of
Teutoburg…Waldhain had been broken off at the last moment; and
broken off because she intended to marry Nick。 The announcement
of his arrival in Paris and the publication of Mr。 and Mrs。
Hicks's formal denial of their daughter's betrothal coincided
too closely to admit of any other inference。 Susy tried to
grasp the reality of these assembled facts; to picture to
herself their actual tangible results。 She thought of Coral
Hicks bearing the name of Mrs。 Nick Lansingher name; Susy's
own!and entering drawing…rooms with Nick in her wake; gaily
welcomed by the very people who; a few months before; had
welcomed Susy with the same warmth。 In spite of Nick's growing
dislike of society; and Coral's attitude of intellectual
superiority; their wealth would fatally draw them back into the
world to which Nick was attached by all his habits and
associations。 And no doubt it would amuse him to re…enter that
world as a dispenser of hospitality; to play the part of host
where he had so long been a guest; just as Susy had once fancied
it would amuse her to re…enter it as Lady Altringham 。。。。 But;
try as she would; now that the reality was so close on her; she
could not visualize it or relate it to herself。 The mere
juxtaposition of the two namesCoral; Nickwhich in old times
she had so often laughingly coupled; now produced a blur in her
brain。
She continued to sit helplessly beside the hall…table; the tears
running down her cheeks。 The appearance of the bonne aroused
her。 Her youngest charge; Geordie; had been feverish for a day
or two; he was better; but still confined to the nursery; and he
had heard Susy unlock the house…door; and could not imagine why
she had not come straight up to him。 He now began to manifest
his indignation in a series of racking howls; and Susy; shaken
out of her trance; dropped her cloak and umbrella and hurried
up。
〃Oh; that child!〃 she groaned。
Under the Fulmer roof there was little time or space for the
indulgence of private sorrows。 From morning till night there
was always some immediate practical demand on one's attention;
and Susy was beginning to see how; in contracted households;
children may play a part less romantic but not less useful than
that assigned to them in fiction; through the mere fact of
giving their parents no leisure to dwell on irremediable
grievances。 Though her own apprenticeship to family life had
been so short; she had already acquired the knack of rapid
mental readjustment; and as she hurried up to the nursery her
private cares were dispelled by a dozen problems of temperature;
diet and medicine。
Such readjustment was of course only momentary; yet each time it
happened it seemed to give her more firmness and flexibility of
temper。 〃What a child I was myself six months ago!〃 she
thought; wondering that Nick's influence; and the tragedy of
their part