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would never have dreamed of ordering had she been alone。
Nothing is more wearisome than to sit at table and see course after
course； good； bad； and indifferent； served； after you have eaten
what you want。 And nothing is more vulgar than to serve them； for
either a guest refuses a great deal of the food and appears
uncivil； or he must eat； and regret it afterwards。 If we ask
people to a meal； it should be to such as we eat； as a general
thing； ourselves； and such as they would have at home。 Otherwise
it becomes ostentation and vulgarity。 Why should one be expelled
to eat more than usual because a friend has been nice enough to ask
one to take one's dinner with him； instead of eating it alone？ It
is the being among friends that tempts； not the food； the fact at
skilful waiters have been able to serve a dozen varieties of fish；
flesh； and fowl during the time you were at table has added little
to any one's pleasure。 On the contrary！ Half the time one eats
from pure absence of mind； a number of most injurious mixtures and
so prepares an awful to…morrow and the foundation of many
complicated diseases。
I see Smith and Jones daily at the club； where we dine cheerfully
together on soup； a cut of the joint； a dessert； and drink a pint
of claret。 But if either Mrs。 Smith or Mrs。 Jones asks me to
dinner； we have eight courses and half as many wines； and Smith
will say quite gravely to me； 〃Try this '75 'Perrier Jouet'；〃 as if
he were in the habit of drinking it daily。 It makes me smile； for
he would as soon think of ordering a bottle of that wine at the
club as he would think of ordering a flask of nectar。
But to return to our 〃mutton。〃 As we had none of us eaten too much
（and so become digesting machines）； we were cheerful and sprightly。
A little music followed and an author repeated some of his poetry。
I noticed that during the hour before we broke up our hostess
contrived to have a little talk with each of her guests； which she
made quite personal； appearing for the moment as though the rest of
the world did not exist for her； than which there is no more subtle
flattery； and which is the act of a well…bred and appreciative
woman。 Guests cannot be treated EN MASSE any more than food； to
ask a man to your house is not enough。 He should be made to feel；
if you wish him to go away with a pleasant remembrance of the
entertainment； that his presence has in some way added to it and
been a personal pleasure to his host。
A good soul that all New York knew a few years ago； whose
entertainments were as though the street had been turned into a
SALON for the moment； used to go about among her guests saying；
〃There have been one hundred and seventy…five people here this
Thursday； ten more than last week；〃 with such a satisfied smile；
that you felt that she had little left to wish for； and found
yourself wondering just which number you represented in her mind。
When you entered she must have murmured a numeral to herself as she
shook your hand。
There is more than one house in New York where I have grave doubts
if the host and hostess are quite sure of my name when I dine
there； after an abstracted welcome； they rarely put themselves out
to entertain their guests。 Black coats and evening dresses
alternate in pleasing perspective down the long line of their
table。 Their gold plate is out； and the CHEF has been allowed to
work his own sweet will； so they give themselves no further
trouble。
Why does not some one suggest to these amphitrions to send fifteen
dollars in prettily monogrammed envelopes to each of their friends；
requesting them to expend it on a dinner。 The compliment would be
quite as personal； and then the guests might make up little parties
to suit themselves； which would be much more satisfactory than
going 〃in〃 with some one chosen at hazard from their host's
visiting list； and less fatiguing to that gentleman and his family。
CHAPTER 33 … The Introducer
WE all suffer more or less from the perennial 〃freshness〃 of
certain acquaintances … tiresome people whom a misguided Providence
has endowed with over…flowing vitality and an irrepressible love of
their fellowmen； and who； not content with looking on life as a
continual 〃spree；〃 insist on making others happy in spite of
themselves。 Their name is legion and their presence ubiquitous；
but they rarely annoy as much as when disguised under the mask of
the 〃Introducer。〃 In his clutches one is helpless。 It is
impossible to escape from such philanthropic tyranny。 He； in his
freshness； imagines that to present human beings to each other is
his mission in this world and moves through life making these
platonic unions； oblivious； as are other match…makers； of the
misery he creates。
If you are out for a quiet stroll； one of these genial gentlemen is
sure to come bounding up； and without notice or warning present you
to his 〃friend；〃 … the greater part of the time a man he has met
only an hour before； but whom he endows out of the warehouse of his
generous imagination with several talents and all the virtues。 In
order to make the situation just one shade more uncomfortable； this
kindly bore proceeds to sing a hymn of praise concerning both of
you to your faces； adding； in order that you may both feel quite
friendly and pleasant：
〃I know you two will fancy each other； you are so alike；〃 … a
phrase neatly calculated to nip any conversation in the bud。 You
detest the unoffending stranger on the spot and would like to kill
the bore。 Not to appear an absolute brute you struggle through
some commonplace phrases； discovering the while that your new
acquaintance is no more anxious to know you； than you are to meet
him； that he has not the slightest idea who you are； neither does
he desire to find out。 He classes you with the bore； and his one
idea； like your own； is to escape。 So that the only result of the
Introducer's good…natured interference has been to make two fellow…
creatures miserable。
A friend was telling me the other day of the martyrdom he had
suffered from this class。 He spoke with much feeling； as he is the
soul of amiability； but somewhat short…sighted and afflicted with a
hopelessly bad memory for faces。 For the last few years； he has
been in the habit of spending one or two of the winter months in
Washington； where his friends put him up at one club or another。
Each winter on his first appearance at one of these clubs； some
kindly disposed old fogy is sure to present him to a circle of the
members； and he finds himself indiscriminately shaking hands with
Judges and Colonels。 As little or no conversation follows these
introductions to fix the individuality of the members in his mind；
he unconsciously cuts two…thirds of his newly acquired circle the
next afternoon； and the following winter；