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fitted neither by his birth nor his education； the above was to
have been but a preface to the matter I had in mind； viz。； 〃social
climbers；〃 those scourges of modern society； the people whom no
rebuffs will discourage and no cold shoulder chill； whose efforts
have done so much to make our countrymen a byword abroad。
As many philosophers teach that trouble only is positive； happiness
being merely relative； that in any case trouble is pretty equally
distributed among the different conditions of mankind； that；
excepting the destitute and physically afflicted； all God's
creatures have a share of joy in their lives； would it not be more
logical； as well as more conducive to the general good； if a little
more were done to make the young contented with their lot in life；
instead of constantly suggesting to a race already prone to be
unsettled； that nothing short of the top is worthy of an American
citizen？
CHAPTER 26 … The Climber
THAT form of misplaced ambition； which is the subject of the
preceding chapter； can only be regarded seriously when it occurs
among simple and sincere people； who； however derided； honestly
believe that they are doing their duty to themselves and their
families when they move heaven and earth to rise a few steps in the
world。 The moment we find ambition taking a purely social form； it
becomes ridiculous。 The aim is so paltry in comparison with the
effort； and so out of proportion with the energy…exerted to attain
it； that one can only laugh and wonder！ Unfortunately； signs of
this puerile spirit （peculiar to the last quarter of the nineteenth
century） can be seen on all hands and in almost every society。
That any man or woman should make it the unique aim and object of
existence to get into a certain 〃set；〃 not from any hope of profit
or benefit； nor from the belief that it is composed of brilliant
and amusing people； but simply because it passes for being
exclusive and difficult of access； does at first seem incredible。
That humble young painters or singers should long to know
personally the great lights of their professions； and should strive
to be accepted among them is easily understood； since the aspirants
can reap but benefit； present and future； from such companionship。
That a rising politician should deem it all…important to be on
friendly terms with the 〃bosses〃 is not astonishing； for those
magnates have it in their power to make or mar his fortune。 But in
a MILIEU as fluctuating as any social circle must necessarily be；
shading off on all sides and changing as constantly as light on
water； the end can never be considered as achieved or the goal
attained。
Neither does any particular result accompany success； more
substantial than the moral one which lies in self…congratulation。
That； however； is enough for a climber if she is bitten with the
〃ascending〃 madness。 （I say 〃she；〃 because this form of ambition
is more frequent among women； although by no means unknown to the
sterner sex。）
It amuses me vastly to sit in my corner and watch one of these FIN…
DE…SIECLE diplomatists work out her little problem。 She generally
comes plunging into our city from outside； hot for conquest； making
acquaintances right and left； indiscriminately； thus falling an
easy prey to the wolves that prowl around the edges of society；
waiting for just such lambs to devour。 Her first entertainments
are worth attending for she has ingeniously contrived to get
together all the people she should have left out； and failed to
attract the social lights and powers of the moment。 If she be a
quick…witted lady； she soon sees the error of her ways and begins a
process of 〃weeding〃 … as difficult as it is unwise； each rejected
〃weed〃 instantly becoming an enemy for life； not to speak of the
risk she； in her ignorance； runs of mistaking for 〃detrimentals〃
the FINES FLEURS of the worldly parterre。 Ah！ the way of the
Climber is hard； she now begins to see that her path is not strewn
with flowers。
One tactful person of this kind； whose gradual 〃unfolding〃 was
watched with much amusement and wonder by her acquaintances；
avoided all these errors by going in early for a 〃dear friend。〃
Having； after mature reflection； chosen her guide among the most
exclusive of the young matrons； she proceeded quietly to pay her
court EN REGLE。 Flattering little notes； boxes of candy； and
bunches of flowers were among the forms her devotion took。 As a
natural result； these two ladies became inseparable； and the most
hermetically sealed doors opened before the new arrival。
A talent for music or acting is another aid。 A few years ago an
entire family were floated into the desired haven on the waves of
the sister's voice； and one young couple achieved success by the
husband's aptitude for games and sports。 In the latter case it was
the man of the family who did the work； dragging his wife up after
him。 A polo pony is hardly one's idea of a battle…horse； but in
this case it bore its rider on to success。
Once climbers have succeeded in installing themselves in the
stronghold of their ambitions； they become more exclusive than
their new friends ever dreamed of being； and it tries one's self…
restraint to hear these new arrivals deploring 〃the levelling
tendencies of the age；〃 or wondering 〃how nice people can be
beginning to call on those horrid So…and…Sos。 Their father sold
shoes； you know。〃 This ultra…exclusiveness is not to be wondered
at。 The only attraction the circle they have just entered has for
the climbers is its exclusiveness； and they do not intend that it
shall lose its market value in their hands。 Like Baudelaire； they
believe that 〃it is only the small number saved that makes the
charm of Paradise。〃 Having spent hard cash in this investment；
they have every intention of getting their money's worth。
In order to give outsiders a vivid impression of the footing on
which they stand with the great of the world； all the women they
have just met become Nellys and Jennys； and all the men Dicks and
Freds … behind their backs； BIEN ENTENDU … for Mrs。 〃Newcome〃 has
not yet reached that point of intimacy which warrants using such
abbreviations directly to the owners。
Another amiable weakness common to the climber is that of knowing
everybody。 No name can be mentioned at home or abroad but Parvenu
happens to be on the most intimate terms with the owner； and when
he is conversing； great names drop out of his mouth as plentifully
as did the pearls from the pretty lips of the girl in the fairy
story。 All the world knows how such a gentleman； being asked on
his return from the East if he had seen 〃the Dardanelles；〃
answered； 〃Oh； dear； yes！ I dined with them several times！〃 thus
settling satisfactorily his standing in the Orient！
Climbing； like every other habit； s