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persistently and wilfully misunderstand each other； as the English
and the French。
It has been my fate to live a good deal on both sides of the
Channel； and nothing is more amusing than to hear the absurdities
that are gravely asserted by each of their neighbors。 To a Briton；
a Frenchman will always be 〃either tiger or monkey〃 according to
Voltaire； while to the French mind English gravity is only
hypocrisy to cover every vice。 Nothing pleases him so much as a
great scandal in England； he will gleefully bring you a paper
containing the account of it； to prove how true is his opinion。 It
is quite useless to explain to the British mind； as I have often
tried to do； that all Frenchmen do not pass their lives drinking
absinthe on the boulevards； and as Englishmen seem to leave their
morals in a valise at Dover when off for a visit to Paris； to be
picked up on their return； it is time lost to try to make a Gaul
understand what good husbands and fathers the sons of Albion are。
These two great nations seem to stand in the relation to each other
that Rome and Greece held。 The English are the conquerors of the
world； and its great colonizers； with a vast capital in which
wealth and misery jostle each other on the streets； a hideous
conglomeration of buildings and monuments； without form and void；
very much as old Rome must have been under the Caesars； enormous
buildings without taste； and enormous wealth。 The French have
inherited the temperament of the Greeks。 The drama； painting； and
sculpture are the preoccupation of the people。 The yearly
exhibitions are； for a month before they open； the unique subject
of conversation in drawing…room or club。 The state protects the
artist and buys his work。 Their CONSERVATOIRES form the singers；
and their schools the painters and architects of Europe and
America。
The English copy them in their big way； just as the Romans copied
the masterpieces of Greek art； while they despised the authors。 It
is rare that a play succeeds in Paris which is not instantly
translated and produced in London； often with the adapter's name
printed on the programme in place of the author's； the French…man；
who only wrote it； being ignored。 Just as the Greeks faded away
and disappeared before their Roman conquerors； it is to be feared
that in our day this people of a finer clay will succumb。 The
〃defects of their qualities〃 will be their ruin。 They will stop at
home； occupied with literature and art； perfecting their dainty
cities； while their tougher neighbors are dominating the globe；
imposing their language and customs on the conquered peoples or the
earth。 One feels this on the Riviera。 It reminds you of the
cuckoo who； once installed in a robin's nest； that seems to him
convenient and warmly located in the sunshine； ends by kicking out
all the young robins。
CHAPTER 23 … A Common Weakness
GOVERNMENTS may change and all the conditions of life be modified；
but certain ambitions and needs of man remain immutable。 Climates；
customs； centuries； have in no way diminished the craving for
consideration； the desire to be somebody； to bear some mark
indicating to the world that one is not as other men。
For centuries titles supplied the want。 This satisfaction has been
denied to us； so ambitious souls are obliged to seek other means to
feed their vanity。
Even before we were born into the world of nations； an attempt was
made amongst the aristocratically minded court surrounding our
chief magistrate； to form a society that should （without the name）
be the beginning of a class apart。
The order of the Cincinnati was to have been the nucleus of an
American nobility。 The tendencies of this society are revealed by
the fact that primogeniture was its fundamental law。 Nothing could
have been more opposed to the spirit of the age； nor more at
variance with the declaration of our independence； than the
insertion of such a clause。 This fact was discovered by the far…
seeing eye of Washington； and the society was suppressed in the
hope （shared by almost all contemporaries） that with new forms of
government the nature of man would undergo a transformation and
rise above such puerile ambitions。
Time has shown the fallacy of these dreams。 All that has been
accomplished is the displacement of the objective point； the
desire； the mania for a handle to one's name is as prevalent as
ever。 Leave the centres of civilization and wander in the small
towns and villages of our country。 Every other man you meet is
introduced as the Colonel or the Judge； and you will do well not to
inquire too closely into the matter； nor to ask to see the title…
deeds to such distinctions。 On the other hand； to omit his prefix
in addressing one of these local magnates； would be to offend him
deeply。 The women…folk were quick to borrow a little of this
distinction； and in Washington to…day one is gravely presented to
Mrs。 Senator Smith or Mrs。 Colonel Jones。 The climax being reached
by one aspiring female who styles herself on her visiting cards；
〃Mrs。 Acting…Assistant…Paymaster Robinson。〃 If by any chance it
should occur to any one to ask her motive in sporting such an
unwieldy handle； she would say that she did it 〃because one can't
be going about explaining that one is not just ordinary Mrs。
Robinson or Thompson； like the thousand others in town。〃 A woman
who cannot find an excuse for assuming such a prefix will sometime
have recourse to another stratagem； to particularize an ordinary
surname。 She remembers that her husband； who ever since he was
born has been known to everybody as Jim； is the proud possessor of
the middle name Ivanhoe； or Pericles （probably the result of a
romantic mother's reading）； so one fine day the young couple bloom
out as Mr。 and Mrs。 J。 Pericles Sparks； to the amusement of their
friends； their own satisfaction； and the hopeless confusion of
their tradespeople。
Not long ago a Westerner； who went abroad with a travelling show；
was received with enthusiasm in England because it was thought 〃The
Honorable〃 which preceded his name on his cards implied that
although an American he was somehow the son of an earl。 As a
matter of fact he owed this title to having sat； many years before
in the Senate of a far…western State。 He will cling to that
〃Honorable〃 and print it on his cards while life lasts。 I was told
the other day of an American carpet warrior who appeared at court
function abroad decorated with every college badge； and football
medal in his possession； to which he added at the last moment a
brass trunk check； to complete the brilliancy of the effect。 This
latter decoration attracted the attention of the Heir Apparent； who
inquired the meaning of the mystic 〃416〃 upon it。 This would have
been a 〃facer〃 to any but a true son of Uncle Sam。 N