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consisting of soup （occasionally）； one meat dish and attendant
vegetables； a meagre dessert； and nothing else。 At half…past six
there was an equally rudimentary meal； called 〃tea；〃 after which no
further food was distributed to the inmates； who all； however；
seemed perfectly contented with this arrangement。 In fact they
apparently looked on the act of eating as a disagreeable task； to
be hurried through as soon as possible that they might return to
their aimless rocking and chattering。
Instead of dinner hour being the feature of the day； uniting people
around an attractive table； and attended by conversation； and the
meal lasting long enough for one's food to be properly eaten； it
was rushed through as though we were all trying to catch a train。
Then； when the meal was over； the boarders relapsed into apathy
again。
No one ever called this hospitable home a boarding…house； for the
proprietor was furious if it was given that name。 He also scorned
the idea of keeping a hotel。 So that I never quite understood in
what relation he stood toward us。 He certainly considered himself
our host； and ignored the financial side of the question severely。
In order not to hurt his feelings by speaking to him of money； we
were obliged to get our bills by strategy from a male subordinate。
Mine host and his family were apparently unaware that there were
people under their roof who paid them for board and lodging。 We
were all looked upon as guests and 〃entertained；〃 and our rights
impartially ignored。
Nothing； I find； is so distinctive of New England as this graceful
veiling of the practical side of life。 The landlady always
reminded me； by her manner； of Barrie's description of the bill…
sticker's wife who 〃cut〃 her husband when she chanced to meet him
〃professionally〃 engaged。 As a result of this extreme detachment
from things material； the house ran itself； or was run by
incompetent Irish and negro 〃help。〃 There were no bells in the
rooms； which simplified the service； and nothing could be ordered
out of meal hours。
The material defects in board and lodging sink； however； into
insignificance before the moral and social unpleasantness of an
establishment such as this。 All ages； all conditions； and all
creeds are promiscuously huddled together。 It is impossible to
choose whom one shall know or whom avoid。 A horrible burlesque of
family life is enabled； with all its inconveniences and none of its
sanctity。 People from different cities； with different interests
and standards； are expected to 〃chum〃 together in an intimacy that
begins with the eight o'clock breakfast and ends only when all
retire for the night。 No privacy； no isolation is allowed。 If you
take a book and begin to read in a remote corner of a parlor or
piazza； some idle matron or idiotic girl will tranquilly invade
your poor little bit of privacy and gabble of her affairs and the
day's gossip。 There is no escape unless you mount to your ten…by…
twelve cell and sit （like the Premiers of England when they visit
Balmoral） on the bed； to do your writing； for want of any other
conveniences。 Even such retirement is resented by the boarders。
You are thought to be haughty and to give yourself airs if you do
not sit for twelve consecutive hours each day in unending
conversation with them。
When one reflects that thousands of our countrymen pass at least
one…half of their lives in these asylums； and that thousands more
in America know no other homes； but move from one hotel to another；
while the same outlay would procure them cosy； cheerful dwellings；
it does seem as if these modern Arabs； Holmes's 〃Folding Bed…
ouins；〃 were gradually returning to prehistoric habits and would
end by eating roots promiscuously in caves。
The contradiction appears more marked the longer one reflects on
the love of independence and impatience of all restraint that
characterize our race。 If such an institution had been conceived
by people of the Old World； accustomed to moral slavery and to a
thousand petty tyrannies； it would not be so remarkable； but that
we； of all the races of the earth； should have created a form of
torture unknown to Louis XI。 or to the Spanish Inquisitors； is
indeed inexplicable！ Outside of this happy land the institution is
unknown。 The PENSION when it exists abroad； is only an exotic
growth for an American market。 Among European nations it is
undreamed of； the poorest when they travel take furnished rooms；
where they are served in private； or go to restaurants or TABLE
D'HOTES for their meals。 In a strictly continental hotel the
public parlor does not exist。 People do not travel to make
acquaintances； but for health or recreation； or to improve their
minds。 The enforced intimacy of our American family house； with
its attendant quarrelling and back…biting； is an infliction of
which Europeans are in happy ignorance。
One explanation； only； occurs to me； which is that among New
England people； largely descended from Puritan stock； there still
lingers some blind impulse at self…mortification； an hereditary
inclination to make this life as disagreeable as possible by self…
immolation。 Their ancestors； we are told by Macaulay； suppressed
bull baiting； not because it hurt the bull； but because it gave
pleasure to the people。 Here in New England they refused the Roman
dogma of Purgatory and then with complete inconsistency； invented
the boarding…house； in order； doubtless； to take as much of the joy
as possible out of this life； as a preparation for endless bliss in
the next。
CHAPTER 15 … A False Start
HAVING had； during a wandering existence； many opportunities of
observing my compatriots away from home and familiar surroundings
in various circles of cosmopolitan society； at foreign courts； in
diplomatic life； or unofficial capacities； I am forced to
acknowledge that whereas my countrywoman invariably assumed her new
position with grace and dignity； my countryman； in the majority of
cases； appeared at a disadvantage。
I take particular pleasure in making this tribute to my 〃sisters〃
tact and wit； as I have been accused of being 〃hard〃 on American
women； and some half…humorous criticisms have been taken seriously
by over…susceptible women … doubtless troubled with guilty
consciences for nothing is more exact than the old French proverb；
〃It is only the truth that wounds。〃
The fact remains clear； however； that American men； as regards
polish； facility in expressing themselves in foreign languages； the
arts of pleasing and entertaining； in short； the thousand and one
nothings composing that agreeable whole； a cultivated member of
society； are inferior to their womankind。 I feel sure that all
Americans who have travelled and have seen their compatriot in his
social relations with foreigners； will agre