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fence。 It is called the Mother's Tragedy。
If you are a burgess of the gardens （which have a vocabulary of
their own）； the faces of these quaint mothers are a clock to you；
in which you may read the ages of their young。 When he is three
they are said to wear the knickerbocker face； and you may take it
from me that Mary assumed that face with a sigh； fain would she
have kept her boy a baby longer； but he insisted on his rights；
and I encouraged him that I might notch another point against
her。 I was now seeing David once at least every week； his mother；
who remained culpably obtuse to my sinister design； having
instructed Irene that I was to be allowed to share him with her；
and we had become close friends； though the little nurse was ever
a threatening shadow in the background。 Irene； in short； did not
improve with acquaintance。 I found her to be high and mighty；
chiefly； I think； because she now wore a nurse's cap with
streamers； of which the little creature was ludicrously proud。
She assumed the airs of an official person； and always talked as
if generations of babies had passed through her hands。 She was
also extremely jealous； and had a way of signifying disapproval
of my methods that led to many coldnesses and even bickerings
between us； which I now see to have been undignified。 I brought
the following accusations against her：
That she prated too much about right and wrong。
That she was a martinet。
That she pretended it was a real cap； with real streamers； when
she knew Mary had made the whole thing out of a muslin blind。 I
regret having used this argument； but it was the only one that
really damped her。
On the other hand； she accused me of spoiling him。
Of not thinking of his future。
Of never asking him where he expected to go to if he did such
things。
Of telling him tales that had no moral application。
Of saying that the handkerchief disappeared into nothingness；
when it really disappeared into a small tin cup； attached to my
person by a piece of elastic。
To this last charge I plead guilty； for in those days I had a
pathetic faith in legerdemain； and the eyebrow feat （which；
however； is entirely an affair of skill） having yielded such good
results； I naturally cast about for similar diversions when it
ceased to attract。 It lost its hold on David suddenly； as I was
to discover was the fate of all of them； twenty times would he
call for my latest； and exult in it； and the twenty…first time
（and ever afterward） he would stare blankly； as if wondering what
the man meant。 He was like the child queen who； when the great
joke was explained to her； said coldly； 〃We are not amused；〃 and；
I assure you； it is a humiliating thing to perform before an
infant who intimates； after giving you ample time to make your
points； that he is not amused。 I hoped that when David was able
to talkand not merely to stare at me for five minutes and then
say 〃hat〃his spoken verdict； however damning； would be less
expressive than his verdict without words； but I was
disillusioned。 I remember once in those later years； when he
could keep up such spirited conversations with himself that he
had little need for any of us； promising him to do something
exceedingly funny with a box and two marbles； and after he had
watched for a long time he said gravely； 〃Tell me when it begins
to be funny。〃
I confess to having received a few simple lessons in conjuring；
in a dimly lighted chamber beneath a shop； from a gifted young
man with a long neck and a pimply face； who as I entered took a
barber's pole from my pocket； saying at the same time； 〃Come；
come； sir； this will never do。〃 Whether because he knew too
much； or because he wore a trick shirt； he was the most
depressing person I ever encountered； he felt none of the
artist's joy； and it was sad to see one so well calculated to
give pleasure to thousands not caring a dump about it。
The barber's pole I successfully extracted from David's mouth；
but the difficulty （not foreseen） of knowing how to dispose of a
barber's pole in the Kensington Gardens is considerable； there
always being polite children hovering near who run after you and
restore it to you。 The young man； again； had said that anyone
would lend me a bottle or a lemon； but though these were articles
on which he seemed ever able to lay his hand； I found （what I had
never noticed before） that there is a curious dearth of them in
the Gardens。 The magic egg…cup I usually carried about with me；
and with its connivance I did some astonishing things with
pennies； but even the penny that costs sixpence is uncertain； and
just when you are saying triumphantly that it will be found in
the egg…cup； it may clatter to the ground； whereon some
ungenerous spectator； such as Irene； accuses you of fibbing and
corrupting youthful minds。 It was useless to tell her； through
clenched teeth； that the whole thing was a joke； for she
understood no jokes except her own； of which she had the most
immoderately high opinion； and that would have mattered little to
me had not David liked them also。 There were times when I could
not but think less of the boy； seeing him rock convulsed over
antics of Irene that have been known to every nursemaid since the
year One。 While I stood by； sneering； he would give me the
ecstatic look that meant； 〃Irene is really very entertaining；
isn't she？〃
We were rivals； but I desire to treat her with scrupulous
fairness； and I admit that she had one good thing； to wit； her
gutta…percha tooth。 In earlier days one of her front teeth； as
she told me； had fallen out； but instead of then parting with it；
the resourceful child had hammered it in again with a hair…brush；
which she offered to show me； with the dents on it。 This tooth；
having in time passed away； its place was supplied by one of
gutta…percha； made by herself； which seldom came out except when
she sneezed； and if it merely fell at her feet this was a sign
that the cold was to be a slight one； but if it shot across the
room she knew she was in for something notable。 Irene's tooth
was very favourably known in the Gardens； where the perambulators
used to gather round her to hear whether it had been doing
anything to…day； and I would not have grudged David his
proprietary pride in it； had he seemed to understand that Irene's
one poor little accomplishment； though undeniably showy； was
without intellectual merit。 I have sometimes stalked away from
him； intimating that if his regard was to be got so cheaply I
begged to retire from the competition； but the Gardens are the
pleasantest club in London； and I soon returned。 How I scoured
the Gardens looking for him； and how skilful I became at picking
him out far away among the trees； though other mothers imitated
the picturesque attire of him； to Mary's indignation。 I also cut
Irene's wings （so to speak） by taking her to a dentist。
And David di