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that there never had been a Timothy。 I think I was never so
gravelled。 Even now I don't know how she had contrived it。
Her cleverness raised such a demon in me that I locked away her
letter at once and have seldom read it since。 No married lady
should have indited such an epistle to a single man。 It said；
with other things which I decline to repeat； that I was her good
fairy。 As a sample of the deliberate falsehoods in it； I may
mention that she said David loved me already。 She hoped that I
would come in often to see her husband； who was very proud of my
friendship； and suggested that I should pay him my first visit
to… day at three o'clock； an hour at which； as I happened to
know； he is always away giving a painting…lesson。 In short； she
wanted first to meet me alone； so that she might draw the
delicious； respectful romance out of me； and afterward repeat it
to him； with sighs and little peeps at him over her
pocket…handkerchief。
She had dropped what were meant to look like two tears for me
upon the paper； but I should not wonder though they were only
artful drops of water。
I sent her a stiff and tart reply； declining to hold any
communication with her。
IX
A Confirmed Spinster
I am in danger； I see； of being included among the whimsical
fellows； which I so little desire that I have got me into my
writing…chair to combat the charge； but； having sat for an
unconscionable time with pen poised； I am come agitatedly to the
fear that there may be something in it。
So long a time has elapsed； you must know； since I abated of the
ardours of self…inquiry that I revert in vain （through many rusty
doors） for the beginning of this change in me； if changed I am； I
seem ever to see this same man until I am back in those wonderful
months which were half of my life； when； indeed； I know that I
was otherwise than I am now； no whimsical fellow then； for that
was one of the possibilities I put to myself while seeking for
the explanation of things； and found to be inadmissible。 Having
failed in those days to discover why I was driven from the
garden； I suppose I ceased to be enamoured of myself； as of some
dull puzzle； and then perhaps the whimsicalities began to collect
unnoticed。
It is a painful thought to me to…night； that he could wake up
glorious once； this man in the elbow…chair by the fire； who is
humorously known at the club as a 〃confirmed spinster。〃 I
remember him well when his years told four and twenty； on my soul
the proudest subaltern of my acquaintance； and with the most
reason to be proud。 There was nothing he might not do in the
future； having already done the biggest thing； this toddler up
club…steps to…day。
Not； indeed； that I am a knave； I am tolerably kind； I believe；
and most inoffensive； a gentleman； I trust； even in the eyes of
the ladies who smile at me as we converse； they are an ever…
increasing number； or so it seems to me to…night。 Ah； ladies； I
forget when I first began to notice that smile and to be made
uneasy by it。 I think I understand it now； and in some vague way
it hurts me。 I find that I watch for it nowadays； but I hope I
am still your loyal； obedient servant。
You will scarcely credit it； but I have just remembered that I
once had a fascinating smile of my own。 What has become of my
smile？ I swear I have not noticed that it was gone till now； I
am like one who revisiting his school feels suddenly for his old
knife。 I first heard of my smile from another boy； whose sisters
had considered all the smiles they knew and placed mine on top。
My friend was scornful； and I bribed him to mention the
plebiscite to no one； but secretly I was elated and amazed。 I
feel lost to… night without my smiles。 I rose a moment ago to
look for it in my mirror。
I like to believe that she has it now。 I think she may have some
other forgotten trifles of mine with it that make the difference
between that man and this。 I remember her speaking of my smile；
telling me it was my one adornment； and taking it from me； so to
speak； for a moment to let me see how she looked in it； she
delighted to make sport of me when she was in a wayward mood； and
to show me all my ungainly tricks of voice and gesture；
exaggerated and glorified in her entrancing self； like a star
calling to the earth： 〃See； I will show you how you hobble
round；〃 and always there was a challenge to me in her eyes to
stop her if I dared； and upon them； when she was most audacious；
lay a sweet mist。
They all came to her court； as is the business of young fellows；
to tell her what love is； and she listened with a noble
frankness； having； indeed； the friendliest face for all engaged
in this pursuit that can ever have sat on woman。 I have heard
ladies call her coquette； not understanding that she shone softly
upon all who entered the lists because； with the rarest
intuition； she foresaw that they must go away broken men and
already sympathised with their dear wounds。 All wounds incurred
for love were dear to her； at every true utterance about love she
exulted with grave approval； or it might be a with a little 〃ah！〃
or 〃oh！〃 like one drinking deliciously。 Nothing could have been
more fair； for she was for the first comer who could hit the
target； which was her heart。
She adored all beautiful things in their every curve and
fragrance； so that they became part of her。 Day by day； she
gathered beauty； had she had no heart （she who was the bosom of
womanhood） her thoughts would still have been as lilies； because
the good is the beautiful。
And they all forgave her； I never knew of one who did not forgive
her； I think had there been one it would have proved that there
was a flaw in her。 Perhaps； when good…bye came she was weeping
because all the pretty things were said and done with； or she was
making doleful confessions about herself； so impulsive and
generous and confidential； and so devoid of humour； that they
compelled even a tragic swain to laugh。 She made a looking…glass
of his face to seek wofully in it whether she was at all to
blame； and when his arms went out for her； and she stepped back
so that they fell empty； she mourned； with dear sympathy； his
lack of skill to seize her。 For what her soft eyes said was that
she was always waiting tremulously to be won。 They all forgave
her； because there was nothing to forgive； or very little； just
the little that makes a dear girl dearer； and often afterward； I
believe； they have laughed fondly when thinking of her； like boys
brought back。 You ladies who are everything to your husbands
save a girl from the dream of youth； have you never known that
double… chinned industrious man laugh suddenly in a reverie and
start up； as if he fancied he were being hailed from far…away？
I hear her hailing me now。 She was so light…hearted that her
laugh is what comes first across the years； so high…spirited that
she wo