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〃_Ya lo s開；〃 said Primitivo。 〃I have put up with worse than that from thee。 Thou hast a vile tongue。 But watch thy mouth； woman。 Sordo was a good comrade of mine。〃
〃And not of mine？〃 Pilar asked him。 〃Listen； flat face。 In war one cannot say what one feels。 We have enough of our own without taking Sordo's。〃
Primitivo was still sullen。
〃You should take a physic；〃 Pilar told him。 〃Now I go to prepare the meal。〃
〃Did you bring the documentation of the _requet椋縚〃 Robert Jordan asked her。
〃How stupid I am；〃 she said。 〃I forgot it。 I will send the Maria。〃
26
It was three o'clock in the afternoon before the planes came。 The snow had all been gone by noon and the rocks were hot now in the sun。 There were no clouds in the sky and Robert Jordan sat in the rocks with his shirt off browning his back in the sun and reading the letters that had been in the pockets of the dead cavalryman。 From time to time he would stop reading to look across the open slope to the line of the timber； look over the high country above and then return to the letters。 No more cavalry had appeared。 At intervals there would be the sound of a shot from the direction of El Sordo's camp。 But the firing was desultory。
From examining his military papers he knew the boy was from Tafalla in Navarra； twenty…one years old； unmarried； and the son of a blacksmith。 His regiment was the Nth cavalry； which surprised Robert Jordan； for he had believed that regiment to be in the North。 He was a Carlist； and he had been wounded at the fighting for Irun at the start of the war。
I've probably seen him run through the streets ahead of the bulls at the feria in Pamplona； Robert Jordan thought。 You never kill any one that you want to kill in a war； he said to himself。 Well； hardly ever； he amended and went on reading the letters。
The first letters he read were very formal； very carefully written and dealt almost entirely with local happenings。 They were from his sister and Robert Jordan learned that everything was all right in Tafalla； that father was well； that mother was the same as always but with certain complaints about her back； that she hoped he was well and not in too great danger and she was happy he was doing away with the Reds to liberate Spain from the domination of the Marxist hordes。 Then there was a list of those boys from Tafalla who had been killed or badly wounded since she wrote last。 She mentioned ten who were killed。 That is a great many for a town the size of Tafalla； Robert Jordan thought。
There was quite a lot of religion in the letter and she prayed to Saint Anthony； to the Blessed Virgin of Pilar； and to other Virgins to protect him and she wanted him never to forget that he was also protected by the Sacred Heart of Jesus that he wore still； she trusted； at all times over his own heart where it had been proven innumerablethis was underlinedtimes to have the power of stopping bullets。 She was as always his loving sister Concha。
This letter was a little stained around the edges and Robert Jordan put it carefully back with the military papers and opened a letter with a less severe handwriting。 It was from the boy's _novia_； his fianc閑； and it was quietly； formally； and completely hysterical with concern for his safety。 Robert Jordan read it through and then put all the letters together with the papers into his hip pocket。 He did not want to read the other letters。
I guess I've done my good deed for today； he said to himself。 I guess you have all right； he repeated。
〃What are those you were reading？〃 Primitivo asked him。
〃The documentation and the letters of that _requet開 we shot this morning。 Do you want to see it？〃
〃I can't read；〃 Primitivo said。 〃Was there anything interesting？〃
〃No；〃 Robert Jordan told him。 〃They are personal letters。〃
〃How are things going where he came from？ Can you tell from the letters？〃
〃They seem to be going all right；〃 Robert Jordan said。 〃There are many losses in his town。〃 He looked down to where the blind for the automatic rifle had been changed a little and improved after the snow melted。 It looked convincing enough。 He looked off across the country。
〃From what town is he？〃 Primitivo asked。
〃Tafalla；〃 Robert Jordan told him。
All right； he said to himself。 I'm sorry； if that does any good。
It doesn't； he said to himself。
All right then； drop it； he said to himself。
All right； it's dropped。
But it would not drop that easily。 How many is that you have killed？ he asked himself。 I don't know。 Do you think you have a right to kill any one？ No。 But I have to。 How many of those you have killed have been real fascists？ Very few。 But they are all the enemy to whose force we are opposing force。 But you like the people of Navarra better than those of any other part of Spain。 Yes。 And you kill them。 Yes。 If you don't believe it go down there to the camp。 Don't you know it is wrong to kill？ Yes。 But you do it？ Yes。 And you still believe absolutely that your cause is right？ Yes。
It is right； he told himself； not reassuringly； but proudly。 I believe in the people and their right to govern themselves as they wish。 But you mustn't believe in killing； he told himself。 You must do it as a necessity but you must not believe in it。 If you believe in it the whole thing is wrong。
But how many do you suppose you have killed？ I don't know because I won't keep track。 But do you know？ Yes。 How many？ You can't be sure how many。 Blowing the trains you kill many。 Very many。 But you can't be sure。 But of those you are sure of？ More than twenty。 And of those how many were real fascists？ Two that I am sure of。 Because I had to shoot them when we took them prisoners at Usera。 And you did not mind that？ No。 Nor did you like it？ No。 I decided never to do it again。 I have avoided it。 I have avoided killing those who are unarmed。
Listen； he told himself。 You better cut this out。 This is very bad for you and for your work。 Then himself said back to him； You listen； see？ Because you are doing something very serious and I have to see you understand it all the time。 I have to keep you straight in your head。 Because if you are not absolutely straight in your head you have no right to do the things you do for all of them are crimes and no man has a right to take another man's life unless it is to prevent something worse happening to other people。 So get it straight and do not lie to yourself。
But I won't keep a count of people I have killed as though it were a trophy record or a disgusting business like notches in a gun； he told himself。 I have a right to not keep count and I have a right to forget them。
No； himself said。 You have no right to forget anything。 You have no right to shut your eyes to any of it nor any right to forget any of it nor to soften it nor to change it。
Shut up； he told himself。 You're getting awfully pompous。
Nor ever to deceive yourself about it； himself went on。
All right； he told himself。 Thanks for all the good advice and is it all right for me to love Maria？
Yes； himself said。
Even if there isn't supposed to be any such thing as love in a purely materialistic conception of society？
Since when did you ever have any such conception？ himself asked。 Never。 And you neve