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beside me and we would ride faster and faster; galloping; and never pass my happiness。〃
〃We could take thy happiness in a plane;〃 he said absently。
〃And go over and over in the sky like the little pursuit planes shining in the sun;〃 she said。 〃Rolling it in loops and in dives。 _Qu椤ueno!_〃 she laughed。 〃My happiness would not even notice it。〃
〃Thy happiness has a good stomach;〃 he said half hearing what she said。
Because now he was not there。 He was walking beside her but his mind was thinking of the problem of the bridge now and it was all clear and hard and sharp as when a camera lens is brought into focus。 He saw the two posts and Anselmo and the gypsy watching。 He saw the road empty and he saw movement on it。 He saw where he would place the two automatic rifles to get the most level field of fire; and who will serve them; he thought; me at the end; but who at the start? He placed the charges; wedged and lashed them; sunk his caps and crimped them; ran his wires; hooked them up and got back to where he had placed the old box of the exploder and then he started to think of all the things that could have happened and that might go wrong。 Stop it; he told himself。 You have made love to this girl and now your head is clear; properly clear; and you start to worry。 It is one thing to think you must do and it is another thing to worry。 Don't worry。 You mustn't worry。 You know the things that you may have to do and you know what may happen。 Certainly it may happen。
You went into it knowing what you were fighting for。 You were fighting against exactly what you were doing and being forced into doing to have any chance of winning。 So now he was compelled to use these people whom he liked as you should use troops toward whom you have no feeling at all if you were to be successful。 Pablo was evidently the smartest。 He knew how bad it was instantly。 The woman was all for it; and still was; but the realization of what it really consisted in had overcome her steadily and it had done plenty to her already。 Sordo recognized it instantly and would do it but he did not like it any more than he; Robert Jordan; liked it。
So you say that it is not that which will happen to yourself but that which may happen to the woman and the girl and to the others that you think of。 All right。 What would have happened to them if you had not come? What happened to them and what passed with them before you were ever here? You must not think in that way。 You have no responsibility for them except in action。 The orders do not come from you。 They come from Golz。 And who is Golz? A good general。 The best you've ever served under。 But should a man carry out impossible orders knowing what they lead to? Even though they come from Golz; who is the party as well as the army? Yes。 He should carry them out because it is only in the performing of them that they can prove to be impossible。 How do you know they are impossible until you have tried them? If every one said orders were impossible to carry out when they were received where Would you be? Where would we all be if you just said; 〃Impossible;〃 when orders came?
He had seen enough of commanders to whom all orders were impossible。 That swine Gomez in Estremadura。 He had seen enough attacks when the flanks did not advance because it was impossible。 No; he would carry out the orders and it was bad luck that you liked the people you must do it with。
In all the work that they; the _partizans_; did; they brought added danger and bad luck to the people that sheltered them and worked with them。 For what? So that; eventually; there should be no more danger and so that the country should be a good place to live in。 That was true no matter how trite it sounded。
If the Republic lost it would be impossible for those who believed in it to live in Spain。 But would it? Yes; he knew that it would be; from the things that happened in the parts the fascists had already taken。
Pablo was a swine but the others were fine people and was it not a betrayal of them all to get them to do this? Perhaps it was。 But if they did not do it two squadrons of cavalry would come and hunt them out of these hills in a week。
No。 There was nothing to be gained by leaving them alone。 Except that all people should be left alone and you should interfere with no one。 So he believed that; did he? Yes; he believed that。 And what about a planned society and the rest of it? That was for the others to do。 He had something else to do after this war。 He fought now in this war because it had started in a country that he loved and he believed in the Republic and that if it were destroyed life would be unbearable for all those people who believed in it。 He was under Communist discipline for the duration of the war。 Here in Spain the Communists offered the best discipline and the soundest and sanest for the prosecution of the war。 He accepted their discipline for the duration of the war because; in the conduct of the war; they were the only party whose program and whose discipline he could respect。
What were his politics then? He had none now; he told himself。 But do not tell any one else that; he thought。 Don't ever admit that。 And what are you going to do afterwards? I am going back and earn my living teaching Spanish as before; and I am going to write a true book。 I'll bet; he said。 I'll bet that will be easy。
He would have to talk with Pablo about politics。 It would certainly be interesting to see what his political development had been。 The classical move from left to right; probably; like old Lerroux。 Pablo was quite a lot like Lerroux。 Prieto was as bad。 Pablo and Prieto had about an equal faith in the ultimate victory。 They all had the politics of horse thieves。 He believed in the Republic as a form of government but the Republic would have to get rid of all of that bunch of horse thieves that brought it to the pass it was in when the rebellion started。 Was there ever a people whose leaders were as truly their enemies as this one?
Enemies of the people。 That was a phrase he might omit。 That was a catch phrase he would skip。 That was one thing that sleeping with Maria had done。 He had gotten to be as bigoted and hidebound about his politics as a hard…shelled Baptist and phrases like enemies of the people came into his mind without his much criticizing them in any way。 Any sort of _clich閟_ both revolutionary and patriotic。 His mind employed them without criticism。 Of course they were true but it was too easy to be nimble about using them。 But since last night and this afternoon his mind was much clearer and cleaner on that business。 Bigotry is an odd thing。 To be bigoted you have to be absolutely sure that you are right and nothing makes that surety and righteousness like continence。 Continence is the foe of heresy。
How would that premise stand up if he examined it? That was probably why the Communists were always cracking down on Bohemianism。 When you were drunk or when you committed either fornication or adultery you recognized your own personal fallibility of that so mutable substitute for the apostles' creed; the party line。 Down with Bohemianism; the sin of Mayakovsky。
But Mayakovsky was a saint again。 That was because he was safely