尤利西斯-第228章

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y　when　you　feel　that　way　so　nice　all　over　you　you　cant　help　yourself　I　wish　some　man　or　other　would　take　me　sometime　when　hes　there　and　kiss　me　in　his　arms　theres　nothing　like　a　kiss　long　and　hot　down　to　your　soul　almost　paralyses　you　then　I　hate　that　confession　when　I　used　to　go　to　Father　Corrigan　he　touched　me　father　and　what　harm　if　he　did　where　and　I　said　on　the　canal　bank　like　a　fool　but　whereabouts　on　your　person　my　child　on　the　leg　behind　high　up　was　it　yes　rather　high　up　was　it　where　you　sit　down　yes　O　Lord　couldnt　he　say　bottom　right　out　and　have　done　with　it　what　has　that　got　to　do　with　it　and　did　you　whatever　way　he　put　it　I　forget　no　father　and　I　always　think　of　the　real　father　what　did　he　want　to　know　for　when　I　already　confessed　it　to　God　he　had　a　nice　fat　hand　the　palm　moist　always　I　wouldnt　mind　feeling　it　neither　would　he　Id　say　by　the　bullneck　in　his　horsecollar　I　wonder　did　he　know　me　in　the　box　I　could　see　his　face　he　couldnt　see　mine　of　course　hed　never　turn　or　let　on　still　his　eyes　were　red　when　his　father　died　theyre　lost　for　a　woman　of　course　must　be　terrible　when　a　man　cries　let　alone　them　Id　like　to　be　embraced　by　one　in　his　vestments　and　the　smell　of　incense　off　him　like　the　pope　besides　theres　no　danger　with　a　priest　if　youre　married　hes　too　careful　about　himself　then　give　something　to　H　H　the　pope　for　a　penance　I　wonder　was　he　satisfied　with　me　one　thing　I　didnt　like　his　slapping　me　behind　going　away　so　familiarly　in　the　hall　though　I　laughed　Im　not　a　horse　or　an　ass　am　I　I　suppose　he　was　thinking　of　his　father　I　wonder　is　he　awake　thinking　of　me　or　dreaming　am　I　in　it　who　gave　him　that　flower　he　said　he　bought　he　smelt　of　some　kind　of　drink　not　whisky　or　stout　or　perhaps　the　sweety　kind　of　paste　they　stick　their　bills　up　with　some　liquor　Id　like　to　sip　those　richlooking　green　and　yellow　expensive　drinks　those　stagedoor　johnnies　drink　with　the　opera　hats　I　tasted　one　with　my　finger　dipped　out　of　that　American　that　had　the　squirrel　talking　stamps　with　father　he　had　all　he　could　do　to　keep　himself　from　falling　asleep　after　the　last　time　we　took　the　port　and　potted　meat　it　had　a　fine　salty　taste　yes　because　I　felt　lovely　and　tired　myself　and　fell　asleep　as　sound　as　a　top　the　moment　I　popped　straight　into　bed　till　that　thunder　woke　me　up　as　if　the　world　was　ing　to　an　end　God　be　merciful　to　us　I　thought　the　heavens　were　ing　down　about　us　to　punish　when　I　blessed　myself　and　said　a　Hail　Mary　like　those　awful　thunderbolts　in　Gibraltar　and　they　e　and　tell　you　theres　no　God　what　could　you　do　if　it　was　running　and　rushing　about　nothing　only　make　an　act　of　contrition　the　candle　I　lit　that　evening　in　Whitefriars　street　chapel　for　the　month　of　May　see　it　brought　its　luck　though　hed　scoff　if　he　heard　because　he　never　goes　to　church　mass　or　meeting　he　says　your　soul　you　have　no　soul　inside　only　grey　matter　because　he　doesnt　know　what　it　is　to　have　one　yes　when　I　lit　the　lamp　yes　because　he　must　have　e　3　or　4　times　with　that　tremendous　big　red　brute　of　a　thing　he　has　I　thought　the　vein　or　whatever　the　dickens　they　call　it　was　going　to　burst　though　his　nose　is　not　so　big　after　I　took　off　all　my　things　with　the　blinds　down　after　my　hours　dressing　and　perfuming　and　bing　it　like　iron　or　some　kind　of　a　thick　crowbar　standing　all　the　time　he　must　have　eaten　oysters　I　think　a　few　dozen　he　was　in　great　singing　voice　no　I　never　in　all　my　life　felt　anyone　had　one　the　size　of　that　to　make　you　feel　full　up　he　must　have　eaten　a　whole　sheep　after　whats　the　idea　making　us　like　that　with　a　big　hole　in　the　middle　of　us　like　a　Stallion　driving　it　up　into　you　because　thats　all　they　want　out　of　you　with　that　determined　vicious　look　in　his　eye　I　had　to　halfshut　my　eyes　still　he　hasnt　such　a　tremendous　amount　of　spunk　in　him　when　I　made　him　pull　it　out　and　do　it　on　me　considering　how　big　it　is　so　much　the　better　in　case　any　of　it　wasnt　washed　out　properly　the　last　time　I　let　him　finish　it　in　me　nice　invention　they　made　for　women　for　him　to　get　all　the　pleasure　but　if　someone　gave　them　a　touch　of　it　themselves　theyd　know　what　I　went　through　with　Milly　nobody　would　believe　cutting　her　teeth　too　and　Mina　Purefoys　husband　give　us　a　swing　out　of　your　whiskers　filling　her　up　with　a　child　or　twins　once　a　year　as　regular　as　the　clock　always　with　a　smell　of　children　off　her　the　one　they　called　budgers　or　something　like　a　nigger　with　a　shock　of　hair　on　it　Jesusjack　the　child　is　a　black　the　last　time　I　was　there　a　squad　of　them　falling　over　one　another　and　bawling　you　couldnt　hear　your　ear　supposed　to　be　healthy　not　satisfied　till　they　have　us　swollen　out　like　elephants　or　I　dont　know　what　supposing　I　risked　having　another　not　off　him　though　still　if　he　was　married　I　m　sure　hed　have　a　fine　strong　child　but　I　dont　know　Poldy　has　more　spunk　in　him　yes　thatd　be　awfully　jolly　I　suppose　it　was　meeting　Josie　Powell　and　the　funeral　and　thinking　about　me　and　Boylan　set　him　off　well　he　can　think　what　he　likes　now　if　thatll　do　him　any　good　I　know　they　were　spooning　a　bit　when　I　came　on　the　scene　he　was　dancing　and　sitting　out　with　her　the　night　of　Georgina　Simpsons　housewarming　and　then　he　wanted　to　ram　it　down　my　neck　on　account　of　not　liking　to　see　her　a　wallflower　that　was　why　we　had　the　standup　row　over　politics　he　began　it　not　me　when　he　said　about　Our　Lord　being　a　carpenter　at　last　he　made　me　cry　of　course　a　woman　is　so　sensitive　about　everything　I　was　fuming　with　myself　after　for　giving　in　only　for　I　knew　he　was　gone　on　me　and　the　first　socialist　he　said　He　was　he　annoyed　me　so　much　I　couldnt　put　him　into　a　temper　still　he　knows　a　lot　of　mixed　up　things　especially　about　the　body　and　the　insides　I　often　wanted　to　study　up　that　myself　what　we　have　inside　us　in　that　family　physician　I　could　always　hear　his　voice　talking　when　the　room　was　crowded　and　watch　him　after　that　I　pretended　I　had　on　a　coolness　with　her　over　him　because　he　used　to　be　a　bit　on　the　jealous　side　whenever　he　asked　who　are　you　going　to　and　I　aid　over　to　Floey　and　he　made　me　the　present　of　lord　Byrons　poems　and　the　three　pairs　of　gloves　so　that　finished　that　I　could　quite　easily　get　him　to　make　it　up　any　time　I　know　how　Id　even　supposing　he　got　in　with　her　again　and　was　going　out　to　see　her　somewhere　Id　know　if　he　refused　to　eat　the　onions　I　know　plenty　of　ways　ask　him　to　tuck　down　the　collar　of　my　blouse　or　touch　him　with　my　veil　and　gloves　on　going　out　1　kiss　then　would　send　them　all　spinning　however　alright　well　seen　then　let　him　go　to　her　she　of　course　would　only　be　too　delighted　to　pretend　shes　mad　in　love　with　him　that　I　wouldnt　so　much　mind　Id　just　go　to　her　and　ask　her　do　you　love　him　and　look　her　square　in　the　eyes　she　couldnt　fool　me　but　he　might　imagine　he　was　and　make　a　declaration　with　his　plabbery　kind　of　a　manner　to　her　like　he　did　to　me　though　I　had　the　devils　own　job　to　get　it　out　of　him　though　I　liked　him　for　that　it　showed　he　could　hold　in　and　wasnt　to　be　got　for　the　asking　he　was　on　the　pop　of　asking　me　too　the　night　in　the　kitchen　I　was　rolling　the　potato　cake　theres　something　I　want　to　say　to　you　only　for　I　put　him　off　letting　on　I　was　in　a　temper　with　my　hands　and　arms　full　of　pasty　flour　in　any　case　I　let　out　too　much　the　night　before　talking　of　dreams　so　I　didnt　wa