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NOSEY FLYNN Can I raise a mortgage on my fire insurance？
BLOOM （Obdurately。） Sirs； take notice that by the law of torts you are bound over in your own recognisances for six months in the sum of five pounds。
J。J。 O'MOLLY A Daniel did I say？ Nay！ A Peter O'Brien！
NOSEY FLYNN Where do I draw the five pounds？
PISSER BURKE For bladder trouble？
BLOOM
Acid。 nit。 hydrochlor dil。； 20 minims；
Tinct。 mix。 vom。； 4 minims。
Extr。 taraxel。 lig。； 30 minims。
Aq。 dis。 ter in die。
CHRIS CALLINAN What is the parallax of the subsolar ecliptic of Aldebaran？
BLOOM Pleased to hear from you； Chris。 K。 II。
JOE HYNES Why aren't you in uniform？
BLOOM When my progenitor of sainted memory wore the uniform of the Austrian despot in a dank prison where was yours？
BEN DOLLARD Pansies？
BLOOM Embellish （beautify） suburban gardens。
BEN DOLLARD When twins arrive？
BLOOM Father （pater； dad） starts thinking。
LARRY O'ROURKE An eight day licence for my new premises。 You remember me； sir Leo； when you were in number seven。 I'm sending around a dozen of stout for the missus。
BLOOM （Coldly。） You have the advantage of me。 Lady Bloom accepts no presents。
CROFTON This is indeed a festivity。
BLOOM （Solemnly。） You call it a festivity。 I call it a sacrament。
ALEXANDER KEYES When will we have our own house of keys？
BLOOM I stand for the reform of municipal morals and the plain ten mandments。 New worlds for old。 Union of all； jew； moslem and gentile。 Three acres and a cow for all children of nature。 Saloon motor hearses。 pulsory manual labour for all。 All parks open to the public day and night。 Electric dishscrubbers。 Tuberculosis； lunacy； war and mendicancy must now cease。 General amnesty； weekly carnival； with masked licence； bonuses for all； esperanto the universal brotherhood。 No more patriotism of barspongers and dropsical impostors。 Free money； free love and a free lay church in a free lay state。
O'MADDEN BURKE Free fox in a free henroost。
DAVY BYRNE （Yawning。） Iiiiiiiiiaaaaaaach！
BLOOM Mixed races and mixed marriage。
LENEHAN What about mixed bathing？
（Bloom explains to those near him his schemes for social regeneration。 All agree with him。 The keeper of the Kildare Street Museum appears； dragging a lorry on which are the shaking statues of several naked goddesses； Venus Callipyge； Venus Pandemos Venus Metempsychosis； and plaster figures； also naked； representing the new nine muses； merce； Operatic Music； Amor Publicity； Manufacture； liberty of Speech； Plural Voting； Gastronomy； Private Hygiene； Seaside Concert Entertainments； Painless Obstetrics and Astronomy for the People。）
FATHER FARLEY He is an episcopalian； an agnostic； an any thingarian seeking to overthrow our holy faith。
MRS RIORDAN （Tears up her will。） I'm disappointed in you！ You bad man！
MOTHER GROGAN （Removes her boot to throw it at Bloom。） You beast！ You abominable person！
NOSEY FLYNN Give us a tune； Bloom。 One of the old sweet songs。
BLOOM （With rollicking humour。）
I vowed that I never would leave her；
She turned out a cruel deceiver。
With my tooraloom tooraloom tooral tooraloom。
HOPPY HOLOHAN Good old Bloom！ There's nobody like him after all。
PADDY LEONARD Stage Irishman！
BLOOM What railway opera is like a tramline in Gibraltar？ The Rows of Casteele。 （Laughter。）
LENEHAN Plagiarist！ Down with Bloom！
THE VEILED SIBYL （Enthusiastically。） I'm a Bloomite and I glory in it。 I believe in him in spite of all。 I'd give my life for him； the funniest man on earth。
BLOOM （Winks at the bystanders。） I bet she's a bonny lassie。
THEODORE PUREFOY （In fishing cap and oilskin jacket。） He employs a mechanical device to frustrate the sacred ends of nature。
THE VEILED SIBYL （Stabs herself。） My hero god！ （She dies。）
（Many most attractive and enthusiastic women also mit suicide by stabbing； drowning； drinking prussic acid； aconite； arsenic； opening their veins； refusing food； casting themselves under steamrollers； from the top of Nelson's Pillar； into the great vat of Guinness's brewery； asphyxiating themselves by placing their heads in gas ovens； hanging themselves in stylish garters； leaping from windows of different storeys。）
ALEXANDER J。 DOWIE （Violently。） Fellowchristians and antiBloomites； the man called Bloom is from the roots of hell； a disgrace to christian men。 A fiendish libertine from his earliest years this stinking goat of Mendes gave precocious signs of infantile debauchery recalling the cities of the plain； with a dissolute granddam。 This vile hypocrite； bronzed with infamy； is the white bull mentioned in the Apocalypse。 A worshipper of the Scarlet Woman； intrigue is the very breath of his nostrils。 The stake faggots and the caldron of boiling oil are for him。 Caliban！
THE MOB Lynch him！ Roast him！ He's as bad as Parnell was。 Mr Fox！
（Mother Grogan throws her boot at Bloom。 Several shopkeepers from upper and lower Dorset street throw objects of little or no mercial value； hambones； condensed milk tins； unsaleable cabbage； stale bread； sheeps' tails； odd pieces of fat。）
BLOOM （Excitedly。） This is midsummer madness； some ghastly joke again。 By heaven； I am guiltless as the unsunned snow！ It was my brother Henry。 He is my double。 He lives in number 2 Dolphin's Barn。 Slander； the viper； has wrongfully accused me。 Fellowcountrymen； sgenl inn ban bata coisde gan capall。 I call on my old friend； Dr Malachi Mulligan； sex specialist to give medical testimony on my behalf。
DR MULLIGAN （In motor jerkin； green motoroggles on his brow。） Dr Bloom is bisexually abnormal。 He has recently escaped from Dr Eustace's private asylum for demented gentlemen。 Born out of bedlock hereditary epilepsy is present； the consequence of unbridled lust。 Traces of elephantiasis have been discovered among his ascendants。 There are marked symptoms of chronic exhibitionism。 Ambidexterity is also latent。 He is prematurely bald from selfabuse； perversely idealistic in consequence； a reformed rake； and has metal teeth。 In consequence of a family plex he has temporarily lost his memory and I believe him to be more sinned against than sinning。 I have made a pervaginal examination and； after application of the acid test to 5427 anal； axillary； pectoral and pubic hairs； I declare him to be virgo intacta。
（Bloom holds his high grade hat over his genital organs。）
DR MADDEN Hypsospadia is also marked。 In the interest of ing generations I suggest that the parts affected should be preserved in spirits of wine in the national teratological museum。
DR CROTTHERS I have examined the patient's urine。 It is albuminoid。 Salivation is insufficient； the patellar reflex intermittent。
DR PUNCH COSTELLO The fetor judaicus is most perceptible。
DR DIXON （Reads a bill of health。） Professor Bloom is a finished example of the new womanly man。 His moral nature is simple and lovable。 Many have found him a dear man； a dear person。 He is a rather quaint fellow on the whole； coy though not feeble…minded in the medical sense。 He has written a really beautiful letter； a poem in itself； to the court missionary of the Reformed Priests' Protection Society which clears up everything。 He is practically a total abstainer and I can affirm that he sleeps on a straw litter and eats the most Spartan