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ces of some unaccountable muskin when they might multiply the inlets of happiness； sacrificing the inestimable jewel of their sex when a hundred pretty fellows were at hand to caress； this； he assured them； made his heart weep。 To curb this inconvenience （which he concluded due to a suppression of latent heat）； having advised with certain counsellors of worth and inspected into this matter； he had resolved to purchase in fee simple for ever the freehold of Lambay island from its holder； lord Talbot de Malahide； a Tory gentleman of not much in favour with our ascendancy party。 He proposed to set up there a national fertilising farm to be named Omphalos with an obelisk hewn and erected after the fashion of Egypt and to offer his dutiful yeoman services for the fecundation of any female of what grade of life soever who should there direct to him with the desire of fulfilling the functions of her natural。 Money was no object； he said； nor would he take a penny for his pains。 The poorest kitchenwench no less than the opulent lady of fashion； if so be their constructions； and their tempers were warm persuaders for their petitions； would find in him their man。 For his nutriment he shewed how he would feed himself exclusively upon a diet of savoury tubercles and fish and coneys there； the flesh of these latter prolific rodents being highly remended for his purpose； both broiled and stewed with a blade of mace and a pod or two of capsicum chillies。 After this homily which he delivered with much warmth of asseveration Mr Mulligan in a trice put off from his hat a kerchief with which he had shielded it。 The both； it seems； had been overtaken by the rain and for all their mending their pace had taken water； as might be observed by Mr Mulligan's smallclothes of a hodden grey which was now somewhat piebald。 His project meanwhile was very favourably entertained by his auditors and won hearty eulogies from all though Mr Dixon of Mary's excepted to it； asking with a finicking air did he purpose also to carry coals to Newcastle。 Mr Mulligan however made court to the scholarly by an apt quotation from the classics which as it dwelt upon his memory seemed to him a sound and tasteful support of his contention： Talis ac tanta depravatio hujus seculi； O quirites； ut matres familiarum nostro lascivas cujuslibet semiviri libici titillationes testibus ponderosis atque excelsis erectionibus centurionum Romanorum magnopere anteponunt： while for those of ruder wit he drove home his point by analogies of the animal kingdom more suitable to their stomach； the buck and doe of the forest glade； the farmyard drake and duck。
Valuing himself not a little upon his elegance； being indeed a proper man of his person； this talkative now applied himself to his dress with animadversions of some heat upon the sudden whimsy of the atmospherics while the pany lavished their eniums upon the project he had advanced。 The young gentleman； his friend； overjoyed as he was at a passage that had befallen him； could not forbear to tell it his nearest neighbour。 Mr Mulligan； now perceiving the table； asked for whom were those loaves and fishes and； seeing the stranger； he made him a civil bow and said； Pray； sir； was you in need of any professional assistance we could give？ Who； upon his offer； thanked him very heartily； though preserving his proper distance； and replied that he was e there about a lady； now an inmate of Horne's house； that was in an interesting condition； poor lady； from woman's woe （and here he fetched a deep sigh） to know if her happiness had yet taken place。 Mr Dixon； to turn the table； took on to ask Mr Mulligan himself whether his incipient ventripotence； upon which he rallied him； betokened an ovoblastic gestation in the prostatic utricle or male womb or was due as with the noted physician； Mr Austin Meldon； to a wolf in the stomach。 For answer Mr Mulligan； in a gale of laughter at his smalls； smote himself bravely below the diaphragm； exclaiming with an admirable droll mimic of Mother Grogan （the most excellent creature of her sex though 'tis pity she's a trollop）： There's a belly that never bore a bastard。 This was so happy a conceit that it renewed the storms of mirth and threw the whole room into the most violent agitations of delight。 The spry rattle had run on in the same vein of mimicry but for some larum in the antechamber。
Here the listener； who was none other than the Scotch student； a little fume of a fellow； blond as tow； congratulated in the liveliest fashion with the young gentleman and； interrupting the narrative at a salient point； having desired his visavis with a polite beck to have the obligingness to pass him a flagon of cordial waters at the same time by a questioning pose of the head （a whole century of polite breeding had not achieved so nice a gesture） to which was united an equivalent but contrary balance of the head； asked the narrator as plainly as was ever done in words if he might treat him with a cup of it。 Mais bien s？r； noble stranger； said he cheerily； et mille pliments。 That you may and very opportunely。 There wanted nothing but this cup to crown my felicity。 But； gracious heaven； was I left with but a crust in my wallet and a cupful of water from the well； my God； I would accept of them and find it in my heart to kneel down upon the ground and give thanks to the powers above for the happiness vouchsafed me by the Giver of good things。 With these words he approached the goblet to his lips； took a placent draught of the cordial； slicked his hair and； opening his bosom； out popped a locket that hung from a silk riband that very picture which he had cherished ever since her hand had wrote therein。 Gazing upon those features with a world of tenderness； Ah； Monsieur； he said； had you but beheld her as I did with these eyes at that affecting instant with her dainty tucker and her new coquette cap （a gift for her feast day as she told me） in such an artless disorder； of so melting a tenderness； 'pon my conscience； even you； Monsieur； had been impelled by generous nature to deliver yourself wholly into the hands of such an enemy or to quit the field for ever。 I declare； I was never so touched in all my life。 God I thank thee as the Author of my days！ Thrice happy will he be whom so amiable a creature will bless with her favours。 A sigh of affection gave eloquence to these words and； having replaced the locket in his bosom； he wiped his eye and sighed again。 Beneficent Disseminator of blessing to all Thy creatures； how great and universal must be that sweetest of Thy tyrannies which can hold in thrall the free and the bond； the simple swain and the polished coxb； the lover in the heyday of reckless passion and the husband of maturer years。 But indeed； sir； I wander from the point。 How mingled and imperfect are all our sublunary joys！ Maledicity！ Would to God that foresight had remembered me to take my cloak along！ I could weep to think of it。 Then； though it had poured seven showers； we were neither of us a penny the worse。 But beshrew me； he cried； clapping hand to his forehead； tomorrow will be a new day and； thousand thunders； I know of a marchand de capotes； Monsieur Poyntz； from whom I can have for a livre as snug a cloak of the