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oing the old work.I know I'm stupid, but I think I've understood this at last. And so God bless you, Pip, dear old boy, God bless you!’
His words, spoken simply and from the heart,touched me deeply. By the time I had managed to control my tears, and looked round for him, he had gone.
I decided to visit Miss Havisham as soon as possible. Next day, when I arrived to take my seat on the coach to our town,I discovered I was sitting in front of two convicts, who were being taken to the prison…ships by their guard.The prisoners wore handcuffs, and iron chains on their legs. With horror I suddenly recognized one of them-it was the man in our village pub who had given me the two pound notes! and strangely enough, during the journey I heard the prisoners talking about it.
‘So Magwitch asked you to give the boy two pounds?Trusted you to do it?’
‘That's right.And I did what he asked.The boy had helped him, you see. Fed him, and kept his secret.’
‘What happened to Magwitch in the end?’
‘They sent him to Australia for life, because he tried to es…cape from the prison-ship.’
I knew I looked so different that he would not recognize me, but I was afraid all the same. All the horror of my child-hood experience with the escaped convict had come back to me, just when I thought it was safe to forget it.
But once we had arrived,and I was on my way to Miss Havisham's house,I thought only of my bright future.She had adopted Estella,she had more or less adopted me. She perhaps wanted me to inherit the dark old house and to marry Estella. But even though I was in love, I didn't hide from myself the fact that I would be unhappy with Estella. I loved her because I couldn't stop myself loving her.
I was surprised to see Orlick opening the gate to me.
‘So you aren't working for Joe any longer?’I asked.
‘As you see, young master,’he said rudely.
I knew he could not be trusted, and I decided to tell Mr Jaggers that Orlick was not responsible enough to work for Miss Havisham. Mr Jaggers would probably send him away.
When I entered Miss Havisham's room, there was a well-dressed lady sitting with her. When she lifted her head and looked at me, I realized it was Estella. She had become so beautiful that I felt very distant from her. In spite of all my education, I still seemed to be the coarse, common boy she used to laugh at.
‘She's changed very much,hasn't she, Pip?’ asked Miss Havisham, laughing wickedly.I replied confusedly. I could see that Estella was still proud, and I knew that it was she who made me feel ashamed of home, and Joe,but I also knew that I could never stop loving her.
She and I walked in the ancient garden, talking quietly about our childhood meetings.Now that we were adults, she seemed to accept me as a friend.I could not have been happier. I felt sure Miss Havisham had chosen us for each other. What a fool I was!
Suddenly she stopped and turned to me.‘Miss Havisham may want us to spend more time together in future. But in that case I must warn you that I have no heart.I can never fall in love.’
‘I can't believe that,’ I replied. As she looked straight at me, I recognized something in her face. Had I seen that ex-pression recently,on another woman?
When we went back to the house,Miss Havisham spoke to me alone.‘Do you admire her, Pip?’ she asked eagerly.
‘Everbody who sees her must admire her.’
She pulled my head down to hers with her bony arm and whispered,‘Love her,love her,love her!If she likes you,love her! If she hurts you, love her! If she tears your heart to pieces,love her!’I could feel the muscles on her thin arm round my neck. She seemed so angry that she could have been talking about hate, or revenge, or death, rather than love.
10 Pip and Herbert talk about love
I returned to London, dreaming of the beautiful girl, now a woman, who had so influenced my childhood,and who, I hoped, would share my future life. I am sorry to say I did not think about dear, good Joe at all. I felt I had to ex-press my feelings to someone, and so that evening I told Herbert my secret.
Instead of being surprised, as I expected, my friend replied,
‘I know that already, Handel.You never told me, but it was obvious.You've always loved Estella.It's very lucky that you seem to have been chosen to marry her.Does she, er,admire you?’
I shook my head sadly.‘Not at all. And Herbert, you may think me lucky.I have great expectations,I know.But all that depends on one person! And I still don't really know how much I'll receive, or when! Nothing is certain!’
‘Now, Handel,’said Herbert cheerfully,‘don't lose hope.Mr Jaggers himself told you you would have a large fortune,didn't he? He would never make a mistake about something like that.Anyway, you'll be twenty-one soon.Perhaps you'll discover more then.’
‘Thank you,Herbert!’ I said, feeling much better.
‘But I want to ask you something, my dear Handel,’said Herbert,looking serious for once.‘Think of Estella, and her education, and how unhappy you may be with her.Couldn't you possibly…and I'm saying this as a friend, remember…couldn't you forget about her?’
‘I know you're right, Herbert,’I said miserably,‘but I can never stop loving her.’
‘Well, never mind!’said Herbert.‘Now I have something to tell you myself. I am engaged.’
‘May I ask the young lady's name?’
‘Clara.Her mother's dead, and she lives with her father.We must keep our feelings for each other secret, because I haven't enough money to marry her yet. As soon as I start in-suring ships we can marry.’Herbert tried to look hopeful about his future, but this time he couldn't even manage his usual cheerful smile.
One day I received a letter which made my heart beat fast.
‘I am coming to London the day after tomorrow by the mid…day coach.Miss Havisham wants you to meet me.
Estella.’
If there had been time,I would have ordered several new suits.I ate nothing until the day arrived, and all morning I waited impatiently for the coach.She seemed more beautiful than ever, and her manner to me was very pleasant, as I took her to the house in London where Miss Havisham had arranged for her to stay. Her life seemed to be planned by Miss Havisham right down to the smallest detail.I only hoped I was part of that plan.
11 Pip attends a burial
One evening a black-edged envelope was delivered to me at Herbert's rooms. The letter inside informed me that Mrs J.Gargery had died the previous Monday,and that the burial would be next Monday, at 3 p.m.This news came as a shock to me.It was the first time that someone close to me had died, and I could not imagine life without my sister,even if I had never loved her, or even thought about her recently.
I arrived at the forge early on Monday afternoon. Joe was sitting in the front room, wrapped in a black cloak.
‘Dear Joe,how are you?’I asked.
‘Pip,dear old boy, you knew her when she was