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about him if I’d ever known what he was really like。 He’s such a helpless； poor…spirited creature； for all his prattle about truth and honor and—”
“No；” said Rhett。 “If you must see him as he really is； see him straight。 He’s only a gentleman caught in a world he doesn’t belong in； trying to make a poor best of it by the rules of the world that’s gone。”
“Oh； Rhett； don’t let’s talk of him！ What does he matter now？ Aren’t you glad to know— I mean； now that I—”
As his tired eyes met hers； she broke off in embarrassment； shy as a girl with her first beau。 If he’d only make it easier for her！ If only he would hold out his arms； so she could crawl thankfully into his lap and lay her head on his chest。 Her lips on his could tell him better than all her stumbling words。 But as she looked at him； she realized that he was not holding her off just to be mean。 He looked drained and as though nothing she had said was of any moment。
“Glad？” he said。 “Once I would have thanked God； fasting； to hear you say all this。 But； now； it doesn’t matter。”
“Doesn’t matter？ What are you talking about？ Of course； it matters！ Rhett； you do care； don’t you？ You must care。 Melly said you did。”
“Well； she was right； as far as she knew。 But； Scarlett； did it ever occur to you that even the most deathless love could wear out？”
She looked at him speechless； her mouth a round O。
“Mine wore out；” he went on； “against Ashley Wilkes and your insane obstinacy that makes you hold on like a bulldog to anything you think you want 。。。 Mine wore out。”
“But love can’t wear out！”
“Yours for Ashley did。”
“But I never really loved Ashley！”
“Then； you certainly gave a good imitation of it—up till tonight。 Scarlett； I’m not upbraiding you； accusing you； reproaching you。 That time has passed。 So spare me your defenses and your explanations。 If you can manage to listen to me for a few minutes without interrupting； I can explain what I mean。 Though God knows； I see no need for explanations。 The truth’s so plain。”
She sat down； the harsh gas light falling on her white bewildered face。 She looked into the eyes she knew so well—and knew so little—listened to his quiet voice saying words which at first meant nothing。 This was the first time he had ever talked to her in this manner； as one human being to another； talked as other people talked； without flippancy； mockery or riddles。
“Did it ever occur to you that I loved you as much as a man can love a woman？ Loved you for years before I finally got you？ During the war I’d go away and try to forget you； but I couldn’t and I always had to come back。 After the war I risked arrest； just to come back and find you。 I cared so much I believe I would have killed Frank Kennedy if he hadn’t died when he did。 I loved you but I couldn’t let you know it。 You’re so brutal to those who love you； Scarlett。 You take their love and hold it over their heads like a whip。”
Out of it all only the fact that he loved her meant anything。 At the faint echo of passion in his voice； pleasure and excitement crept back into her。 She sat； hardly breathing； listening； waiting。
“I knew you didn’t love me when I married you。 I knew about Ashley； you see。 But； fool that I was； I thought I could make you care。 Laugh； if you like； but I wanted to take care of you； to pet you； to give you everything you wanted。 I wanted to marry you and protect you and give you a free rein in anything that would make you happy—just as I did Bonnie。 You’d had such a struggle； Scarlett No one knew better than I what you’d gone through and I wanted you to stop fighting and let me fight for you。 I wanted you to play； like a child—for you were a child； a brave； frightened； bullheaded child。 I think you are still a child。 No one but a child could be so headstrong and so insensitive。”
His voice was calm and tired but there was something in the quality of it that raised a ghost of memory in Scarlett。 She had heard a voice like this once before and at some other crisis of her life。 Where had it been？ The voice of a man facing himself and his world without feeling； without flinching； without hope。
Why—why—it had been Ashley in the wintry； windswept orchard at Tara； talking of life and shadow shows with a tired calmness that had more finality in its timbre than any desperate bitterness could have revealed。 Even as Ashley’s voice then had turned her cold with dread of things she could not understand； so now Rhett’s voice made her heart sink。 His voice； his manner； more than the content of his words； disturbed her； made her realize that her pleasurable excitement of a few moments ago had been untimely。 Something was wrong； badly wrong。 What it was she did not know but she listened desperately； her eyes on his brown face； hoping to hear words that would dissipate her fears。
“It was so obvious that we were meant for each other。 So obvious that I was the only man of your acquaintance who could love you after knowing you as you really are—hard and greedy and unscrupulous； like me。 I loved you and I took the chance。 I thought Ashley would fade out of your mind。 But；” he shrugged； “I tried everything I knew and nothing worked。 And I loved you so； Scarlett。 If you had only let me； I could have loved you as gently and as tenderly as ever a man loved a woman。 But I couldn’t let you know； for I knew you’d think me weak and try to use my love against me。 And always—always there was Ashley。 It drove me crazy。 I couldn’t sit across the table from you every night； knowing you wished Ashley was sitting there in my place。 And I couldn’t hold you in my arms at night and know that—well； it doesn’t matter now。 I wonder； now； why it hurt。 That’s what drove me to Belle。 There is a certain swinish comfort in being with a woman who loves you utterly and respects you for being a fine gentleman—even if she is an illiterate whore。 It soothed my vanity。 You’ve never been very soothing； my dear。”
“Oh； Rhett 。。。” she began； miserable at the very mention of Belle’s name； but he waved her to silence and went on。
“And then； that night when I carried you upstairs—I thought—I hoped—I hoped so much I was afraid to face you the next morning； for fear I’d been mistaken and you didn’t love me。 I was so afraid you’d laugh at me I went off and got drunk。 And when I came back； I was shaking in my boots and if you had come even halfway to meet me； had given me some sign； I think I’d have kissed your feet。 But you didn’t。”
“Oh； but Rhett； I did want you then but you were so nasty！ I did want you！ I think—yes； that must have been when I first knew I cared about you。 Ashley—I never was happy about Ashley after that； but you were so nasty that I—”
“Oh； well；” he said。 “It seems we’ve been at cross purposes； doesn’t it？ But it doesn’t matter now。 I’m only telling you； so you won’t ever wonder about it all。 When you were sick and it was all my fault； I stood outside your door； hoping you’d call for me； but you didn’t； and then I knew what a fool I’d been and that it was all over。”
He stopped and looked through her and beyond her； even as Ashley had often done； seeing some