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生命不能承受之轻-第57章

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inger; the American actress; and even the tall; stooped editor with the big chin。 He was accustomed to his readers; and when one day the Russians banned his newspaper; he had the feeling that the atmosphere was suddenly a hundred times thinner。 Nothing could replace the look of unknown eyes。 He thought he would suffocate。 Then one day he realized that he was constantly being followed; bugged; and surreptitiously photographed in the street。 Suddenly he had anonymous eyes on him and he could breathe again! He began making theatrical speeches to the microphones in his wall。 In the police; he had found his lost public。
The second category is made up of people who have a vital need to be looked at by many known eyes。 They are the tireless hosts of cocktail parties and dinners。 They are happier than the people in the first category; who; when they lose their public; have the feeling that the lights have gone out in the room of their lives。 This happens to nearly all of them sooner or later。 People in the second category; on the other hand; can always come up with the eyes they need。 Marie…Claude and her daughter belong in the second category。
Then there is the third category; the category of people who need to be constantly before the eyes of the person they love。 Their situation is as dangerous as the situation of people in the first category。 One day the eyes of their beloved will close; and the room will go dark。 Tereza and Tomas belong in the third category。
And finally there is the fourth category; the rarest; the category of people who live in the imaginary eyes of those who are not present。 They are the dreamers。 Franz; for example。 He traveled to the borders of Cambodia only for Sabina。 As the bus bumped along the Thai road; he could feel her eyes fixed on him in a long stare。
Tomas's son belongs in the same category。 Let me call him Simon。 (He will be glad to have a Biblical name; like his father's。) The eyes he longed for were Tomas's。 As a result of his embroilment in the petition campaign; he was expelled from the university。 The girl he had been going out with was the niece of a village priest。 He married her; became a tractor driver on a collective farm; a practicing Catholic; and a father。 When he learned that Tomas; too; was living in the country; he was thrilled: fate had made their lives symmetrical! This encouraged him to write Tomas a letter。 He did not ask him to write back。 He only wanted him to focus his eyes on his life。
24
Franz and Simon are the dreamers of this novel。 Unlike Franz; Simon never liked his mother。 From childhood he searched for his father。 He was willing to believe his father the victim of some sort of injustice that predated and explained the injustice his father had perpetrated on him。 He never felt angry with his father; because he did not wish to ally himself with his mother; who continually maligned the man。
He lived with her until he was eighteen and had finished secondary school; then he went off to Prague and the university。 By that time Tomas was washing windows。 Often Simon would wait long hours to arrange an accidental encounter with Tomas。 But Tomas never stopped to talk to him。
The only reason he became involved with the big…chinned former editor was that the editor's fate reminded him of his father's。 The editor had never heard of Tomas。 The Oedipus article had been forgotten。 It was Simon who told him about it and asked him to persuade Tomas to sign the petition。 The only reason the editor agreed was that he wanted to do something nice for the boy; whom he liked。
Whenever Simon thought back to the day when they had met; he was ashamed of his stage fright。 His father couldn't have liked him。 He; on the other hand; liked his father。 He remembered his every word; and as time went on he saw how true they were。 The words that made the biggest impression on him were Punishing people who don't know what they've done is barbaric。 When his girlfriend's uncle put a Bible in his hands; he was particularly struck by Jesus' words Forgive them; for they know not what they do。 He knew that his father was a nonbeliever; but in the similarity of the two phrases he saw a secret sign: his father agreed with the path he had taken。
During approximately his third year in the country; he received a letter from Tomas asking him to come and visit。 Their meeting was a friendly one。 Simon felt relaxed and did not stammer a bit。 He probably did not realize that they did not understand each other very well。 About four months later; he received a telegram saying that Tomas and his wife had been crushed to death under a truck。
At about that time; he learned about a woman who had once been his father's mistress and was living in France。 He found out her address。 Because he desperately needed an imaginary eye to follow his life; he would occasionally write her long letters。
25
Sabina continued to receive letters from her sad village correspondent till the end of her life。 Many of them would remain unread; because she took less and less interest in her native land。
The old man died; and Sabina moved to California。 Farther west; farther away from the country where she had been born。
She had no trouble selling her paintings; and liked America。 But only on the surface。 Everything beneath the surface was alien to her。 Down below; there was no grandpa or uncle。 She was afraid of shutting herself into a grave and sinking into American earth。
And so one day she composed a will in which she requested that her dead body be cremated and its ashes thrown to the winds。 Tereza and Tomas had died under the sign of weight。 She wanted to die under the sign of lightness。 She would be lighter than air。 As Parmenides would put it; the negative would change into the positive。
26
The bus stopped in front of the Bangkok hotel。 No one any longer felt like holding meetings。 People drifted off in groups to sightsee; some set off for temples; others for brothels。 Franz's friend from the Sorbonne suggested they spend the evening together; but he preferred to be alone。
It was nearly dark when he went out into the streets。 He kept thinking about Sabina; feeling her eyes on him。 Whenever he felt her long stare; he began to doubt himself: he had never known quite what Sabina thought。 It made him uncomfortable now as well。 Could she be mocking him? Did she consider the cult he made of her silly? Could she be trying to tell him it was time for him to grow up and devote himself fully to the mistress she herself had sent to him?
Picturing the face with big round glasses; he suddenly realized how happy he was with his student…mistress。 All at once; the Cambodia venture struck him as meaningless; laughable。 Why had he come? Only now did he know。 He had come to find out once and for all that neither parades nor Sabina but rather the girl with the glasses was his real life; his only real life! He had come to find out that reality was more than a dream; much more than a dream!
Suddenly a figure emerged out of the semi…darkness and said something to him in a language he did not know。 He gave the intruder a look that was startled but sympathetic。 The man bowed and smiled and muttered something with great urgency。 What was he trying to 
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